Sometimes, its the simplest things that can have the most significant impact.
It is funny at times the strange little memories that stay in your thoughts. It was the first week of January 2013, I was out shopping with my wife Rin and the kids, and we had stopped off at Argos to pick up some bits and pieces for the computer. Rin was paying at the counter, and I was stood by the bank of TV’s with the kids, as the store was pretty busy due to the Sales, and across the room I noticed my eldest daughter. It seems so trivial, but it is such an important memory that is fixed in my mind, I think it is because she looked so happy as she flicked through the catalogue talking to her partner. I remember smiling as I noticed how she softly stroked her large bump, she was just weeks away from giving birth, and in all her 29 years, I don’t think I have ever seen her as happy as she was in that single moment, which is possibly why it is such a vivid memory.
The next weeks followed, and I felt the excitement grow, talking on the phone with her really got me going, and my excitement spilled out over the following days as I talked with my youngest daughter, and asked her how excited she was to know that very soon, she would meet our new edition to the family. It was a special time as I grew with impatience looking forward to finally meeting my first grandchild. The call came at 11pm on January 24th, and as Rin handed me the phone saying it was my daughter, I felt the explosion inside me as I put the phone to my ear to get the confirmation that I was finally a Granddad. It was not my daughter, it was her partner, and he was crying, after that his words blurred as just the few words of “Problem, No Heartbeat, So Sorry” crashed into my universe.
Rowan Elizabeth Morgan, my first grandchild was born sleeping on January 24th 2013.
It is so hard to describe the rest of the night; I can only say shock, numbness, tears, and an overwhelming pain radiated from my core. The night crawled past and became morning, as I sat at my desk looking for answers that were never going to come, closely followed by torrents of more tears, more pain and then anger. The injustice of it, the added pain of knowing the devastation of my daughter, and so slipped past the following day into another night lay awake in bed feeling yet more anger mixed with tears of hopelessness and more inner pain. Before I knew it, Sunday had arrived and I was at the hospital having held my Granddaughter in floods of tears, and gazed upon her small delicate beautiful little face, she was indeed an angel, but that just made it harder, as there are no answers as to why?
The most harrowing moment was watching my daughter hold her child, and knowing that soon the time would come when she would be taken away forever, it tore me into pieces to see the look on her face as she finally handed her daughter back to the nurse to be taken away forever. That is a memory that will haunt my dreams until the day I die, it is an act so unnatural that I would not wish it on any, not even my worst enemy, I barely held it together and bit hard on my lip to maintain my composure, so that I could stay strong for my daughter, it was horrendous and possibly the hardest thing I have ever faced.
My Daughter’s sobs, stabbed at me like knives as they took little Rowan away, and all I could do was hold her as there were no words I could say to ease her pain as she wept telling me, “It should not be like this, I should be taking her home, I don’t want to leave her here Dad, it’s not right.” That is another memory that will never leave me, neither will the feelings of complete helplessness, as for the first time in her life, I could not breeze in and fix things like I had always done for her, as a parent and a human being I felt utterly useless and incompetent and could only hold her as she wept. I knew then I had to find some way or something that would ease the pain she was going through.
Someone beat me to it, but I am not complaining, if anything I am so utterly thankful.
A little while later, the Midwife presented my daughter with a Memory Box. A simple box that is just a little larger than a shoe box. I will never forget as I sat and watched my daughter’s face as she opened it and went through its contents one at a time. A small box with Rowan’s Name bracelet, A frame into which there was a clay plate that had the impressions of Rowan’s tiny hands and feet on it, A small plastic case containing a lock of Rowan’s dark hair, a small remembrance candle, a tiny crystal angel, a teddy which was one of two, one of which had been placed with Rowan. A set of pictures taken of her with her mother, and a blank CD, onto which she could store more, and also a letter.
The letter was from Kirsty and Micheal McGurrell, they were the ones who provided the hospital free of charge with the box. Kirsty like my daughter, suffered the same fate back in 2009, and as a result when she had recovered, she set up an organisation called 4louis (Named after her born sleeping son). The box filled with small important items that my daughter was looking at, and was understanding that she would not be leaving the hospital empty handed after all, it is no substitute for losing a child, but I saw the love and relief in her eyes and for a few moments felt my own pain subside and a little hope start to grow.
It is impossible to replace a lost child, but it is possible to ensure that there is something to remember them by. I am almost 50, and fortunately I have lived a good life, and if for some terrible reason I lose a loved one, then I know I have years of items and memories that I can hold in those moments of need. With a child born sleeping there is nothing, not even a minute of life, and it is for that reason that I will be eternally grateful to Kirsty and Micheal for having the foresight and dedication of love to ensure my daughter has something.
I came home tonight and talked to my wife, and we both agree that this is a cause worthy of support. I went onto the internet and found www.4louis.co.uk and we read every page and felt stronger and stronger in our belief. 17 children every single day in the UK are born sleeping, that is 17 daughters stricken with grief, and 17 heartbroken dads feeling as lost and unable to find words of comfort for their children. 4louis is a charity that needs more support, it was only as recently as December 2012 that they managed to put their very first boxes into Stepping Hill hospital, and I am so grateful that they did, because five weeks later one of those boxes contained the only proof that Rowan Elizabeth was ever here.
Corinne and Myself decided tonight that this charity will become our number one charity. I am not a famous writer, I do not have thousands of pounds to give them, but if I did I most certainly would, and from today onwards I am going to build and include a page on my website with dedicated links for 4louis. Millions get spent every year on research and improving the odds of mothers with babies at risk, but no matter how much research is done, there are still too many daughters like mine who will have to suffer the horrendous pain of a child born sleeping, and so I intend to put my time and efforts towards helping them.
My company VCP, which promotes all my writing and books, will from now on make regular contributions. A simple memory box has a production cost of just £16 per box, and so I would ask everyone supporting my work to consider just a small contribution towards such a wonderful and caring organisation, whose sole purpose is to try and help ease the suffering of parents and grandparents going through emotional hell. The box my daughter has at home today, will help ease her through the next days, weeks, months, and years, and with 17 new cases every day, we need to make sure that there is a constant stream of money to support this cause.
Not only do they supply free of charge the boxes, they also supplied camera’s, printers and photo paper, to ensure that the service will not cost the hospital anything, so they can afford to maintain such care and attention. The charity also is starting to provide extra equipment to help the special departments dealing with born sleeping children, so please join me, and even if you can only spare a couple of pounds, take it from a Dad who has watched his daughter suffer in a most horrible way, that small amount of cash is worth everything to a Dad like me.
Please visit the website, and watch the video, and then browse through the site and see what amazing work they do, and if you can spare just a little, then from myself on behalf of my daughter, I thank you and will be forever grateful.
Robin John Morgan.
