Sometimes a bike ride can help reduce carbon, so each trip you make will help in a small way

Personally it can be quite a surprising experience, as things I never actually intend to share come out in the words I put down, of which I would say the most obvious has been the power that is contained in my love for the plant world and the whole of the planet on which we live. Shortly after writing the first two thirds of the Bowman of Loxley, I let a few very close friends read what I had done, and then waited with baited breath for their comments, it was to say the least quite a nervous point in time. I suppose having been surprised myself at what had come out on the paper my insecurity did increase a little, because I had made some bold statements about how we all live within this world, and pointed out a great deal of my private disillusion with the world.

One of my market trading friends Pru was actually the very first person to read HTTK, and she surprised me a great deal when she informed me that it was indeed very thought provoking, and she had thought a great deal about what was written for quite some time after reading it, and that became a bit of theme, as I allowed others to read the first drafts of the first book. I have never forgotten that time, and even though I still do not allow the opinion of others to cloud my writing of the books, I have begun to open up and share a lot of what I feel passionately about in my Blog posts.

The blogs are for me, another way of expressing my thoughts in a none story environment, it’s a place when I can be a little more direct about my point of view, yet remain within the confines of the HTTK themes. I have found that there are quite a few readers who have not read the books, who still read the blog posts, and as a writer it’s another wonderful way of allowing all the thoughts tumbling through my mind to tumble out for another audience.

The story of HTTK is very much the representation of my struggle through life with various issues, especially that of a green campaigner and supporter. I do see the world as two separate sides in these days, and to be honest at the moment I think the side of stone builders is winning. I see a lot of the ways of Mason Knox in the world today, especially in our Governments across the world as they are seduced and corrupted by big large multinational corporations, I think if Mason was indeed a real living person in today’s world he and his evil mother would very much be the people behind the scenes pushing government’s into raping all of the natural resources of the planet on a road that can only lead to the eventual destruction of everything.

I am and always will be a member of the Woodland Realm, like young Robbie in my own early teens I sought to fight those of power to change the world, and even today I still try to educate people in a way that opens them up to what is really going on globally. I have been ridiculed for a great many years for being the Hippie type campaigning for trees and life, and to be honest what felt like insults in my youth, I wear today as my badge of honour. I have campaigned for petitions and protested and even at times employed a few Specialist tactics under cover of darkness to strike one for the green cause, although these days I am getting a little too long in the tooth for covert activity, and my mind has turned to thinking about other solutions.

Writing is certainly one of them, it’s a little warmer sat at the computer than walking the cold streets handing out leaflets, and I also look at today and the way the world has changed so much since my youth, and ponder as to whether there is a better way for all of us to live together in a more balanced way.

In the UK this week, we have been told that over the coming years we will see our bills rise to an unprecedented level because as our natural gas supply runs out, and old coal power stations are taken offline, we will need to import more gas from the continent. It’s a reality that in a world where those like the Knox family, have corrupted every system, and brought the global economic climate crashing down to the benefit of themselves. Once again the poor of this country and countless others, will be forced into the hardship of bearing the costs, and the costs are not just financial, they are also a cost to the world we live in, a cost that will punish our future generations.

The biggest argument I face is that in this world of technology, people will not support an environmental point of view, because even though they are not calling the government’s into question over their lack of effort on the environment, they have embraced all the new technology so much that to take an environmental road will deprive them of the little joy they have in life these days. When you look at the wide range of products we have available to us, it is a valid point, let’s face it communication and labour saving devices have never been so good, and our lives have been transformed by all of them, but surely there has to be a way forward for all of us to do our bit.

It can appear like a double edge sword, either we change drastically and give up everything, or we continue on the road towards destruction, but really do the choices need to be so stark?

I think not. Why is so impossible to see that the environment and technology can walk hand in hand. In my books I take the best from the old

We can make a choice that uses the best technology to balance our lives, with very little change to the way we all live

world and add it to the natural world, in a way that benefits people and yet has little impact on the world, why is so hard for the UK and other countries to follow the same lead? Oil does not have to be the future of everything and neither does Gas powered, I am very anti-nuclear, simply because it’s just too expensive and as we have seen in Japan, it’s not quite as safe as we thought it was. Britain is considering fracking as a gas alternative, but that is actually banned in many European countries because it has been proven to be far more harmful to the water table than our Government are admitting. We have already had one large scale earthquake caused across Yorkshire and Lancashire because of the early drilling; do we really want to destroy and poison the North West of England?

We need jobs to get the economy growing again and take the pressure off the benefits system, as well as move away from the old fossil fuels, so why are we not looking towards Germany for inspiration? Literally on our doorstep, we have so many solutions that are good for everyone that it must provide a way that leads to jobs and cheaper fuels for all. In Germany they invest heavily in green technology, not only do they encourage solar power plates on homes, they have solar farms, which they combine with wind power to create a substantial amount of clean green energy. Ok the costs for setting it up have been high, but let’s be honest, it has to be better to pay UK citizens a good wage and build and install these systems rather than just paying our money to an Eastern European country for extra gas. Wind power across the globe rose by 20% in 2012, Ok so there are a great deal who hate the sight of windmills; personally I think they look a lot better than the gaping holes we create for strip mining, or the sight of large Fracking drills. I love windmills I have to confess, I want a small one on my house, I will probably paint it to look better than just plain white, but yes as soon I can afford it, I will get one simply because it will drop my household bills over time, which means I can invest in more fun tech for me and the kids.

The environment and technology can work as partners, and benefit all of us, but it takes a slight change of thought before we can implement it. Governments can change their view when they see that votes will not go their way, and it is up to all of us to finally make that stand and point them in the right direction. The future of this planet can only come with the will of the people, and it is up to everyone to share the information that will eventually force governments to change their mind. We have to abandon our complacency and apathy towards the way we choose to vote. It can be done as we have seen with the banking industry recently; as it was the public’s opinions that forced the government to make changes that are finally bringing them into line, and caused some very high profile job dismissals.

You make not like the way they look, but its a hell of lot nicer than drilling platforms of a devastated landscape

Just imagine this small point. This country has a huge amount of public buildings, what if we all made it clear that the government should fit solar panels to every one of them.  Have you any idea how many jobs that would create in fitting and manufacturing them? Do you know how much pressure that would take off our old and rapidly decaying oil and gas burning power stations? New technology can be environmental, and a shift such as this would not change the life of anyone, but it would do a massive amount towards reducing carbon emissions in this country, let alone globally. There is a very important lesson to be learned from some of HTTK, and it shows that we can share the best of every world and create a sustainable future for our children and our grandchildren’s generation, it just takes a few moments to think about it, and then voice your opinion, which funnily enough was what the hippies were saying forty years ago, It kinds makes you wonder why we didn’t listen?

There is always another way forward if you take the time to think about it, and then get out of your seat and do something about it. If you look hard enough there are so many other ways to improve our lives and the planet we all share, and whether you believe it or not, it does not belong to those like Mason Knox, it actually belongs to all of us, its home to seven billion people.

I have done it a few times in my life; I often think that was due to the fact that I had to change direction often, as deep inside me there were important changes going on brought on by changes in my life. My first break up from a long term relationship, losing my job after 12 years of hard grafting loyalty, fighting a council to save my business, all of them exacted huge changes that made me stand up and take notice, and forced me to drastically alter the way I lived. Within the past two years two events again have made me sit and focus on what is important in this life we live, and I feel it poses as many questions as it answers.

I think most of us take Nature for granted, and I think within that lies a note of caution, because Nature holds all of us within a delicate balance, something brought home to me in the hardest possible lesson recently as I watched my first daughter suffer, it was a reminder that had been served to me a year earlier as I watched my father struggle when he nursed my Step Mother back to health, and from those hard and painful times, I have started to understand the true value of the gift we all call life.

A recent survey I read (Which I cannot find the link to. If I do I will add it later) listed the five biggest regrets men had on their deathbeds, and one that struck me whilst reading, was the high proportion of men who wished they had not worked so much. I think it resonated so deeply within me, because in the childhood of my first daughter I worked at large Garden Centre, and the job which I loved took me out of the home at weekends and holidays, and also involved almost dawn till dusk working hours, as a result I missed all of those important moments watching her grow up. The sad thing was it wasn’t even worth it, I worked so hard and was without doubt one of the most loyal members of staff, but when it came down to the line, the owner let me go simply to save money in a budget cut, where he kept on the cheaper members of staff. OK in the long run he lost out, after all I was the one who brought in the sales, and to a large degree could justify my long working hours with my wage, but it hit me hard at the time, and it knocked me flat on my face for a long time after. I vowed then I would not work for another employer again, and began to set up my own business.

I learned an important lesson, one which I was lucky to get earlier in life than most other men, and when by what I see as a miracle, I became a father again later in life, I knew I was not going to pass up the chance of a lifetime to enjoy the life of my new child. Today I write from home, the money as a writer is not great, I do not live as well in comparison to my days working in a large Garden Centre, but I am surrounded by my family, and even though it is a struggle at times and I do worry about what happens if my books do not sell, I still think by comparison I am a lot happier than I was back then. It does pose the quality versus quantity argument as to which approach is best, and yet being by my wife’s side and enjoying the freedom to take my children out and watch them as they excitedly investigate the world around them, for me is something of extra special value, as I now want my time here with all of them to count.

As most of you know I love Celt culture and tradition, and one thing in particular that I am reminded of at the moment, is how they believed you should honour your ancestors and all who have been before you. To the Celts, it is the sum total of each member down your family line that has brought you to this point in your life, it is a profound thought when you sit and think of the lives of your family dating back through each generation, In a way I think it is a very important point that most of us have forgotten.  In heirs to the Kingdom I used the phrase, when I leave this realm, I will sit in a place of honour at my father’s table, it is a reference to this the oldest of Celt traditions and it is something that is a deep part of my own personal beliefs. Again it poses the question of when I finally leave this realm, what will make me worthy enough to earn my place at the table?

I know a few people who have worked hard all their lives, and in many cases they have built themselves up quite a business or small empire to show the world the worthiness of their achievements, and you cannot react in any other way than to admire the courage and determination they have shown in achieving such a feat. But at the moment I do question whether or not it was worth the sacrifice and effort, because I can only ask what will happen when they are finally gone? The cost they pay to achieve such a thing is very high indeed, and in most cases behind every successful business man, is a divorce or unfulfilled wife, and children who really do not know who their father truly is a person, it feels like a heavy price to pay for success to me.

History teaches us that all empires fall, so is it even worth building one in the first place? That at the moment is a question I have no answer to. Something that I think about and is important to me is the example set by my father. His father died when he was a small boy, and I often think of how my father worked his way up in his job to finally reach the top position, it was not an easy journey as he began at the bottom. Along the way he earned a great deal of respect, due mainly to his even handedness of those he managed. He spent a great deal of his free time in the Mountain Rescue, again playing his role as a team member saving the lives of a great many people. Is his father sat in another realm watching with pride? I would say a very resounding yes; my father has indeed earned his place at the table, because even when he is no longer with us, as a result of his life, other lives have been touched and changed by the way he lived.  As you can probably imagine I am very proud to be his son, and I can only hope that one day I will measure up to him, and all that have been before me, and take my own seat at the table that is the legacy of my family line.

I have lived quite an unconventional life, I am a natural rebel and I have lived a life without too much planning, taking in the moment and trying to make the best of it. I have always felt we place far too much emphasis on money and possessions and how everything appears to others, we are indoctrinated from when we are small children as to what is and is not acceptable, and yet those who teach us these so called important rules for life, disregard them completely and are usually the ones who obsess over money and gather great possessions, whilst breaking every rule ever set for what is deemed to be acceptable moral or otherwise. It is their way to control us, and I think today we are seeing that clearer and clearer as we watch corrupt governments and religious leaders lie and cheat to gain power and wealth for themselves, and the banks and business grow ever larger under the rule of their fat cat owners, as inequality and injustice are heaped upon the rest of us, so why should we live our lives at their benefit? The world has become obsessed with celebrity culture and the material gains they flaunt, I mean lets be honest why does the sex life of a celebrity really matter? Who cares if they have had an affair or slept with ten people in one night, I mean really does it matter that much in the scheme of things that they spent ten million on a marriage that lasted only fifty days? Focus on your own sex life and enjoying it, and make yours the one marriage that no matter what trials you have, it works.

Is it not more important to live as feels right for us?

Shouldn’t we all live in a way that honours those who came before us? I think it is time for change, and it should start by all of us taking stock of who we are, and what is more important to us. For myself, it is important that I leave something behind that my children and wife will never forget, it is also important that I earn the respect of my father and earn my place at his table. I am lucky I am a published author, I will leave something behind, my words will remain on file in the central library of the UK forever and so future generations of mine will be able to read the words I have written and share in my world, for my books do contain my life and my feeling and thoughts, even if they are written in a way that is encrypted to the rest of the world. More importantly I want my children to hold the respect for me that I hold for my father, that is the legacy I want to leave them, I want the memories to be of happiness as they remember how I introduced them to Nature and showed them how to use the tools we have to create and build things, and also to remember the lessons I learned in life to aid them and prevent them making the same endless mistakes I have. I want them to live free of thought, and not shackled by the rules of the institutions that have crept into this world and dominated opinion for generation after generation.

The one thing I am very proud of is my thirty year role around plants. I have sown millions of seeds, taking hundreds of thousands of cuttings, and travelled this country selling them on cheaply to people who have taken them home to plant and grow on with care. As I look out of my window across the woodland and wild fields, I can see countless trees that have been planted by me, some of which are now growing into early maturity. I have collected and scatted millions of wild flower seeds across this land, and helped revive some flagging varieties by reintroducing them back into the wild, and I have fought and campaigned to save trees all around the world, so when my moment comes to walk out of this world into another one, I will know I am leaving it a little more beautiful than when I came into it. That is one thing I am immensely proud of, and even though no one will ever truly know the extent of my life with plants, I have left something behind me which with hope will remain as a marker to my life for many years to come.

The one thing I have learned more than anything else in the past 18 months is that life is precious, and it should be lived to its fullest. It is so unimportant what others think, being true to yourself and living every moment is far more important, because we really do not know when Nature will slip and the balance will change. The media is filled with endless opinion on what is and is not acceptable, but the daft thing is, it is only at that moment of time that it appears relevant, all the shocks and scandals we see blow over in days as the news rolls ever on, and it is the same of life, none of it really matters, but your family and its past heritage will, so honour it and those around you, by being true to yourself. It does not matter how you live, what is really important is that you live it well.

The Celts believed: Respect all of nature and every living soul. Live your life to its fullest, and hurt none. It is a ten thousand year old piece of advice, and to be honest, it is still the best piece of advice I have ever read.

If they would sit and actually listen, they would find that I am not against their religion at all, if anything I find the concept of their belief fascinating and would relish a good conversation, it’s just I want to talk openly with someone who for want of a better word, is not simply preaching off an indoctrinated mantra at me.  Most people do not take the time to listen to my observations of the Christian religion, and so therefore just sit and quote what feels like well-rehearsed lines of defence, as taught them through what I see as the institutions of doctrine. It is the one thing I dislike the most, as I am more interested in their own personal spiritual beliefs, not the same old flawed series of points and quotes as brandished by every member of the clergy.

I love the human race, nothing is more fascinating than what makes us all tick, and yes I have spent a life talking to find out more about what all of us feel inside and think about the planet we all share as home. I have a deeply spiritual side, and so at times its wonderful comparing notes, I suppose at the end of the day, we all want to know how alike or different we are to each other.  I love nothing better than to sit and read, and believe it or not, I have read the bible, possibly much more of it than those who preach their religion and choose to argue with me. It may also surprise a great deal of people to find I was raised in the faith and was quite involved in it from an early age. I am indeed an ex Altar Boy and Choir member, and believe it or not I served as a replacement Sunday School Teacher for a year in my early teenage years, so I have indeed experienced Christianity from both sides of the Altar rail.

I chose to seek another path, its a personal choice based on my observations, and I do not preach that everyone should take the same path, I never would because I feel very strongly we all have a journey of personal spiritual discovery to make, and no other should be able to influence it, but for the record I will share a little of my own personal insight. In my teenage years, which I found to be a time of strong emotional turbulence and questions, I asked my vicar for answers, and rather than sit and talk to me as another human being, I was treated like an inferior and lectured, and told to forget and ignore what was essentially a very natural process of development that I was going through, even if I didn’t realise that at the time.  As a result I began to search out my own answers, and the facts I discovered changed my thoughts and feelings about Christianity forever.  Later I discovered Paganism, although I am still uncomfortable with the word Pagan, which in my mind was a derogatory word used by the church, to address people who were seen as lesser because of their beliefs, and I coined the term Earth Faith to more accurately describe my beliefs at that time, although as with many terms used in the past, Pagan has become a term used and accepted by everyone today.

I looked at the facts of Christianity and found so many contradictions and acts of misuse that I felt it would not suit me as the person I had become, and that is still very much true of today. Do not get me wrong, I really do not have any problems with those who wish to follow the Christian path, there is much within the teachings that even today I still live by, the Christian ideal does provide a good blue print of how to be a better human being and live within this world, I just find a world that also serves and balances within nature is more suited to my spiritual belief system and works better for me.

I am writer, and it is the experience of writing and editing which in many ways when mixed with the facts helps me to gain a better understanding of how the words of Christianity were spread across the globe. Let’s face it the Bible has become the foundation stone of most of what we see as the civilised world, You could even say that it is the most powerful book ever written, but it is within that simple fact that my biggest doubts were formed. I suppose the natural researcher within me was not given the satisfaction it sought, and from looking at just pure facts, I very quickly came to the conclusion that many of the details of early Christian text came about through human error, and so therefore over the last 2000 years more and more errors have led to what has become the foundation of society, let me elaborate a little.

2000 years ago the only way to make a book was to sit and handwrite it all down, and then bind it together, which is how the very first gospels were created, many of those early copied handwritten gospels survive today in one form or another. My problem lies in the fact that the only way to copy those first gospels was to copy them by hand, and it is here in that small fact that my experiences of being a writer takes over. It is simple human behaviour that when copying a text by hand natural mistakes are made, something I know well from my own experience of writing. The brain runs slightly faster than the hand, and if you are reading and writing at the same time there is no doubt whatsoever mistakes will be made, its completely unavoidable, and if you doubt that then try spending a whole day sat copying a book down on to paper, you will find there will be more errors that you ever imagined.

So take the very first books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, as written by those very disciples and copy them, and the result will be an original book with mistakes, because there would have been errors in the very first copies, so we have a copy containing the original mistakes and also new ones made the person who copies it. Add to that the fact that the original books were written in Aramaic, and had to be translated into as many languages as was required to spread the word of Christ, and suddenly your second generation copy gives birth to many wrongly translated copies, all of which will be copied to increase the amount of books that would be required to spread Christianity and enable it to grow as it has over the years.

I think it is safe to say that when the books were translated from Hebrew, they had already been copied countless times and so had become riddled with mistakes, and also translation is not an easy thing, a great deal of the time translating a book requires the one doing the translating to make adjustments so that the books become an interpretation of the Aramaic text, and again the books change and distort from that original copy of the gospel.

My concern grew from the fact that books were copied probably thousands of times by hand before we reached a time where printing was possible, and at that point when a modernising Church made the decision to print a new revised copy of the Bible, which I believe was somewhere around 1611, well over a thousand years had passed and the handwritten books they had were deeply flawed and not a very close resemblance to the original books. I find that alarming, because this one book has set the laws and rules of behaviour that modern society had been built upon, and yet this version also had to be approved by not only the church, but also the government of the day, it is a very flawed version of events that has deviated away from what was written in the originals.

It is fact that today there are countless thousands of handwritten copies of the New Testament held in museums, and places of study all over the world, and no two are the same, every one of them is completely different, which possess the question just which one exactly is the closest to the one’s written by the disciples? The oldest copy of the New Testament dates to about two hundred years after the death of Christ, and it is just a small fragment of paper containing a few dozen lines, and they do not match up that accurately with what we read today. I find that to be quite a disturbing fact considering how important the Bible has become as a moral and social compass to modern day society, and it is something I find difficult to accept.

That is just one of my own personal feelings about the bible, and it is not one I have ever asked any other to agree with, but when I add to that, the endless contradictions I found in the Bible, such as “an eye for an eye” compared to “Turn the other cheek” and love each other as you would yourself, one can only ask the question which one do I follow? The simple fact is that there are thousands of contradictions, which leads me to believe that it is so open to interpretation, that you can pretty much use any aspect of the Bible to make an argument to sustain any point of view you please, be it degrading women, burning witches or wiping out other religious faiths by pronouncing them as Satanic, even though Satan is a Christian creation who has nothing to do with other faiths. The one fact I do know to be true about man is that they will interpret things to bend to their own will and gain them the best of any situation, and sadly I do feel very strongly that is the truth of the institution we all refer to today as “The Christian Church.”

I am no fan of the church, the past is documented with the facts of how they have abused their power to control and hurt the masses, even in the modern world of today, and I have to confess I see them now in the same light as I would any other multinational corporation, and to be honest they have not provided any of us with actions to prove me wrong. All I see is the mantra of their god, used to increase their profits, gain land and exert more control over the people, which is why I am not interested in the spin of mindless Christian Mantra and would much more prefer a conversation about how a person feels personally about the faith they own as their own as an individual and how their belief helps them through life.

At the time of the life of Jesus, who I do believe was a real person alive at that time, there were also many people who acted as commenters on life around the world, and yet in all of the manuscripts (Which unlike the gospels, are the original handwritten texts that have survived) there is no mention at all of Jesus, the first real reference comes over two hundred years after his death. Maybe it is me, and yes this again is my own personal belief, but if Jesus was the man we have been led to believe, such as a man capable of working miracles, do you not think these people would have heard such tales of wonder and reported them at the time?

None of them did, which I feel possibly can be interpreted into the fact that Jesus was somewhat of a local hero, and it was those locals who held him in such high esteem that they chose to remember his life by writing about it. I find it hard to believe he was the son of a god who lives in some realm above us that science cannot detect, I do believe as the Dead Sea Scrolls infer that he was indeed the son of a Roman noble, who for want of a better words became a champion of the poor in his local vicinity. If the bible is correct he was a very well educated man for his time, and that would have gained him a huge amount of respect, I certainly feel he had great wisdom, and many of the things he taught at that time are still very relevant today, and yes all of us can benefit from his words, but as for being a deity, I am sorry, but I personally cannot accept that at all, but again for those who do believe I really have no issue with that.

I chose to walk a different path from Christianity many years ago, and it is one I feel is a more natural approach to every living thing on this planet, for I feel that to supress a natural feeling or urge as the Church instructed me to is an unnatural way of being. Through Pagan belief I found I could embrace and express myself as a person openly without judgement and live more in tune with who I am, and that for me made a huge difference to my life at a difficult time. We all have one life on the planet, and as we live we form our own natural affinity with what surrounds us, and through that we take a path of spirituality that serves us best, mine is Earth Faith, but that does not mean I am anti-Christian or any other religion for that matter, what it means is that I am aware of who I am as a person, and I acknowledge and accept the responsibility of all I feel and all I do. I am by no means perfect, my life has been a struggle like everyone else’s, and is littered with bad judgement and mistakes, but I have learned wisdom from all I have done, and when my time here comes to an end, I will have that wisdom in my final breath and it will ease my passing into something else.

The core ethics of Christianity offer everyone a sense of hope, and a path that embraces everything and everyone you meet, I think I can safely say as do all religions, and yet it is my observation that especially in the world at this time, we are placing too much emphasis on an individual’s spiritual beliefs, and it is being used as a weapon of division, one I feel is detrimental to the human race. I do not believe any religious views should be used to judge an individual or be used as a means of control. I do not believe that a religion should have the power to dictate government policy, or be applied on mass in schools. I feel very strongly that spiritual belief should be kept within the confines of the family home, and be chosen to fit the individual. There is too much hate and pain created by these so called religions of peace and love, and I do actually think that the leaders of each religion should be more accountable for the institutions they run and get their houses in better order, because the hate is preached at a higher level than the love these days.

So if you are one of those who has pointed the finger at my writing and sat in judgement of me because of it, please consider this. Believe what feels right for you as one unique person, and if that is Christianity then that is right for you, and I am happy you feel that way, but please do not make snap judgements about me because we do not serve the same god. Christianity limited my view of myself and the world, and so I searched for a path that I could identify with, and yes at times it does appear in my writing, its bound too because I write from the heart of who I am, and through my writing I try to share some of the wisdom that has helped me through life.

I feel my writing in Heirs to the Kingdom has shown all sides of the coin, at its heart it is a story of a Pagan Woodland peoples who have to fight to protect their way of life, against the survivors of a post apocalyptic Britain, who wish to resurrect the old modern ways of man. Yes I have shown some corruption within the Church of Christianity, but I also feel I have shown the kindness and love from the other side of the Church, pay more attention to Sister Mary and Father Warren, and you may find yourself surprised, especially in some of my views of tolerance towards each other. I write about my own country, which for the time being is a predominantly white Christian country, I dare say if I lived elsewhere, lets say the middle east, maybe my story would focus on Islam rather than Earth Faith, the simple truth is I write what I know, and I know Christianity and Paganism enough to be relatively accurate, I will admit as a writer I do have the liberty of fudging a few facts to aid the flow of the story, but saying that the religious belief is still only a tiny part of the story as a whole.

Finally I will state for the record, that my own personal belief is that all of us should believe in something, not necessarily the same something, but I feel we all have a spiritual side that should be nurtured as we would every other aspect of ourselves. If yours happens to be Christian or any of the other faiths, then more power to you. This world lacks a great deal of tolerance, as we have seen in recent times, we show a lack of wisdom and understanding in many aspects of life, such as sex, gender, sexuality, and religion, would it not be wonderful if we all embraced each other’s uniqueness, and tried a little harder to get along, maybe then we can all sit down and have wonderful and fulfilling conversations about life and all the many wonders that come with it and live more peacefully as one race with more harmony.

Sometimes, its the simplest things that can have the most significant impact.

It is funny at times the strange little memories that stay in your thoughts. It was the first week of January 2013, I was out shopping with my wife Rin and the kids, and we had stopped off at Argos to pick up some bits and pieces for the computer. Rin was paying at the counter, and I was stood by the bank of TV’s with the kids, as the store was pretty busy due to the Sales, and across the room I noticed my eldest daughter. It seems so trivial, but it is such an important memory that is fixed in my mind, I think it is because she looked so happy as she flicked through the catalogue talking to her partner. I remember smiling as I noticed how she softly stroked her large bump, she was just weeks away from giving birth, and in all her 29 years, I don’t think I have ever seen her as happy as she was in that single moment, which is possibly why it is such a vivid memory.

The next weeks followed, and I felt the excitement grow, talking on the phone with her really got me going, and my excitement spilled out over the following days as I talked with my youngest daughter, and asked her how excited she was to know that very soon, she would meet our new edition to the family. It was a special time as I grew with impatience looking forward to finally meeting my first grandchild. The call came at 11pm on January 24^th, and as Rin handed me the phone saying it was my daughter, I felt the explosion inside me as I put the phone to my ear to get the confirmation that I was finally a Granddad. It was not my daughter, it was her partner, and he was crying, after that his words blurred as just the few words of “Problem, No Heartbeat, So Sorry” crashed into my universe.

Rowan Elizabeth Morgan, my first grandchild was born sleeping on January 24^th 2013.

It is so hard to describe the rest of the night; I can only say shock, numbness, tears, and an overwhelming pain radiated from my core. The night crawled past and became morning, as I sat at my desk looking for answers that were never going to come, closely followed by torrents of more tears, more pain and then anger. The injustice of it, the added pain of knowing the devastation of my daughter, and so slipped past the following day into another night lay awake in bed feeling yet more anger mixed with tears of hopelessness and more inner pain. Before I knew it, Sunday had arrived and I was at the hospital having held my Granddaughter in floods of tears, and gazed upon her small delicate beautiful little face, she was indeed an angel, but that just made it harder, as there are no answers as to why?

The most harrowing moment was watching my daughter hold her child, and knowing that soon the time would come when she would be taken away forever, it tore me into pieces to see the look on her face as she finally handed her daughter back to the nurse to be taken away forever. That is a memory that will haunt my dreams until the day I die, it is an act so unnatural that I would not wish it on any, not even my worst enemy, I barely held it together and bit hard on my lip to maintain my composure, so that I could stay strong for my daughter, it was horrendous and possibly the hardest thing I have ever faced.

My Daughter’s sobs, stabbed at me like knives as they took little Rowan away, and all I could do was hold her as there were no words I could say to ease her pain as she wept telling me, “It should not be like this, I should be taking her home, I don’t want to leave her here Dad, it’s not right.” That is another memory that will never leave me, neither will the feelings of complete helplessness, as for the first time in her life, I could not breeze in and fix things like I had always done for her, as a parent and a human being I felt utterly useless and incompetent and could only hold her as she wept. I knew then I had to find some way or something that would ease the pain she was going through.

Someone beat me to it, but I am not complaining, if anything I am so utterly thankful.

A little while later, the Midwife presented my daughter with a Memory Box. A simple box that is just a little larger than a shoe box. I will never forget as I sat and watched my daughter’s face as she opened it and went through its contents one at a time. A small box with Rowan’s Name bracelet, A frame into which there was a clay plate that had the impressions of Rowan’s tiny hands and feet on it, A small plastic case containing a lock of Rowan’s dark hair, a small remembrance candle, a tiny crystal angel, a teddy which was one of two, one of which had been placed with Rowan. A set of pictures taken of her with her mother, and a blank CD, onto which she could store more, and also a letter.

The letter was from Kirsty and Micheal McGurrell, they were the ones who provided the hospital free of charge with the box. Kirsty like my daughter, suffered the same fate back in 2009, and as a result when she had recovered, she set up an organisation called 4louis (Named after her born sleeping son). The box filled with small important items that my daughter was looking at, and was understanding that she would not be leaving the hospital empty handed after all, it is no substitute for losing a child, but I saw the love and relief in her eyes and for a few moments felt my own pain subside and a little hope start to grow.

It is impossible to replace a lost child, but it is possible to ensure that there is something to remember them by. I am almost 50, and fortunately I have lived a good life, and if for some terrible reason I lose a loved one, then I know I have years of items and memories that I can hold in those moments of need.  With a child born sleeping there is nothing, not even a minute of life, and it is for that reason that I will be eternally grateful to Kirsty and Micheal for having the foresight and dedication of love to ensure my daughter has something.

I came home tonight and talked to my wife, and we both agree that this is a cause worthy of support. I went onto the internet and found  www.4louis.co.uk  and we read every page and felt stronger and stronger in our belief. 17 children every single day in the UK are born sleeping, that is 17 daughters stricken with grief, and 17 heartbroken dads feeling as lost and unable to find words of comfort for their children.  4louis is a charity that needs more support, it was only as recently as December 2012 that they managed to put their very first boxes into Stepping Hill hospital, and I am so grateful that they did, because five weeks later one of those boxes contained the only proof that Rowan Elizabeth was ever here.

Corinne and Myself decided tonight that this charity will become our number one charity. I am not a famous writer, I do not have thousands of pounds to give them, but if I did I most certainly would, and from today onwards I am going to build and include a page on my website with dedicated links for 4louis. Millions get spent every year on research and improving the odds of mothers with babies at risk, but no matter how much research is done, there are still too many daughters like mine who will have to suffer the horrendous pain of a child born sleeping, and so I intend to put my time and efforts towards helping them.

My company VCP, which promotes all my writing and books, will from now on make regular contributions. A simple memory box has a production cost of just £16 per box, and so I would ask everyone supporting my work to consider just a small contribution towards such a wonderful and caring organisation, whose sole purpose is to try and help ease the suffering of parents and grandparents going through emotional hell. The box my daughter has at home today, will help ease her through the next days, weeks, months, and years, and with 17 new cases every day, we need to make sure that there is a constant stream of money to support this cause.

Not only do they supply free of charge the boxes, they also supplied camera’s, printers and photo paper, to ensure that the service will not cost the hospital anything, so they can afford to maintain such care and attention. The charity also is starting to provide extra equipment to help the special departments dealing with born sleeping children, so please join me, and even if you can only spare a couple of pounds, take it from a Dad who has watched his daughter suffer in a most horrible way, that small amount of cash is worth everything to a Dad like me.

Please visit the website, and watch the video, and then browse through the site and see what amazing work they do, and if you can spare just a little, then from myself on behalf of my daughter, I thank you and will be forever grateful.

Robin John Morgan.

http://www.4louis.co.uk/

For everyone its been difficult, and for myself personally it has been a bit of a roller coaster year that started with some terrible news of a family member struck down with the threat of a terminal illness that had a very profound effect on me deeply, and changed some of my ways of thinking. That was followed up with troubles for my mother that stretched throughout the year making life at times very stressful to deal with, and for a while in the middle of the year, I lost my ability to focus and write, something that has never happened to me before, and that really tested my limits of endurance, as I fought my frustrations to redefine my focus and continue with the writing. There has been a lot more than usual for the shredder this year, poor thing, I think I have pushed it to the limit.

Summer was wet, again a frustration that encroached on my time outdoors in the garden, although I was still able to walk with the trees above my head, and watch my children splash in the puddles. I spent a great deal of time watching the rain run down the windowpane making notes for the moment when I could focus my mind on reaching the climax to the series of Heirs to the kingdom.

The landscape in the book world has changed again this year, and in the early part of the year printed books sales appeared to die, casting a bad omen for every writer. Like all other writers, I thought about digital books, and when I was emailed to inform mw that the Moby site had been taken down, I contacted my Publisher to discover that I no longer had digital copies of my books available. Over the month that followed and subsequent emails the New Digital Kindle editions were made available via the publisher, and I was pleased to see that in that first week quite a few copies were being downloaded, I must confess I am not a fan of Digital, and was sceptical as to whether or not the books would look decent on such a small screen, and although I am not 100% happy with how they look, the feed back from those who bought them was positive and gave me a lift.

Early winter saw a big change for me, as my wife took the Jaded Opals stall out on her own for the first time, its not been the best of years for bookings, but when the chance came up to run it for seven weeks, she took it and left me at home to look after the kids and focus on the writing. It felt so strange not having her there as I wrote to comment on my thoughts, and although I had written a few new things, I made the most of the quiet moments to look at HTTK and think of ways to improve on we have available to date.

Income has been hard to find this year, creating the largest frustration of all for me, as I have not been able to get the fourth book in the series out. Behind the scenes I have gone through a wide spectrum of emotion as I stressed myself out trying to force an issue that was not going to happen. I was bent all out of shape not wanting to let the readers down, and it did me no good as it just added to my frustrations, but finally with a few calming words from my wife, I accepted my fate and found I had clarity to move forward. With no book out, I have had to focus on promotion, and so for the last quarter of the year that has been my plan. On Facebook there has been an increase in what we post, which has included excerpts from the first three books, and behind the scenes I have worked on changing some of the pages to the website, as well as including some new ones.

I think a more positive outlook had a big effect on the world around me, as I saw my family member who had fought all year with ill health grow steadily stronger and better, there is still some way to go, but I feel positively thrilled that they have come through the worst and have it under control. My Mum who has struggled in terror, has moved to a new house, and that has solved most of her issues talking a huge load off my shoulders, and the best thing of all is that I found my stride and continued with a renewed vigour on the final book in the series, completing a full 24 chapters to date, with enough notes to write possibly another six books (Just joking this is the last one).

Feeling a lot more at ease and more creative than I have been in a long time, I took my notes and began work in mid December on a new aspect of the web site. On Boxing Day I put up the first of a series of interviews and situations experienced by a man I have named Gordon Waggstaff. He is a writer who runs the postal service out of Mottram on the edge of the Peak District. The idea behind this project is that this allows me to run a blog like newssheet from the heart of the woodland realm. I know I run the blog from the HTTK website, but this news letter known as the Tribune Today, allows me to give a view of life directly from the woodland realm at the moment the story happens. I have a quite a bit of work to do back dating some of the articles, but this also allows me to fill in the time gaps between some of the books, as well as provide more details and information of the life our hero and those around him live.

Editing HTTK always sees the loss of a few things, so the Tribune is a way of including them using the website as a vehicle to do so. Its still very early days, but hopefully it will bring another fun and interesting aspect to the whole of the HTTK experience. In my mind, I can only try and hope that you all enjoy it. Some early feedback has been positive, so I can only hope it continues that way as the articles open up and expand on the storyline.

Facebook has been difficult this year, they have made a lot of new changes of which most of them have restricted the way in which I send out posts and updates. They are starting to show their corporate credentials as they push to make page holders like myself pay for the content I post. I have to confess that if that becomes the case, I will not have the income to continue on Facebook, and so I have tried and will be trying a few methods to help get round the difficulties. The most obvious first attempt is with the free books giveaway, The Kingdom Christmas Giveaway, which although is still quite small scale, has proven that there are a lot of people out there who are not aware of the books and would be interested in reading them, hopefully over the coming year I will find a few more ideas that will do something similar. It has always been the goal of my wife and myself to try and get the books into the mainstream to attract the attention of the public, as I do believe there are a lot of people who would enjoy what I write, so each time a books sells we are one step closer, and can only hope that they recommend the books to a friend or two. It is a long-term view of things, but for a relatively unknown author such as myself, it is the only way I can move my work forward. I have been given a great deal of hope this year, as I have seen authors similar to myself make giant steps forward in the book world by using social media to promote, and so at this point I must say a very special thank you to each and everyone of you who has given a moment of your time, to like a post, comment or recommend my books to a friend, I really cannot put into words how grateful I am to those who have supported me, and helped me spread the word of my writing. There have been some pretty dark moments for me this year, and it is through your efforts that I have felt the greatest encouragement and resisted the urge to throw in the towel and get a proper job, so thank you to all of you, it really is a heart warming aspect of my long days sat here at the desk.

So the New Year is almost here, and what do I have in store for you all? My priority is the fourth book, I want it out like yesterday, and so my attention and focus is to drive hard and do everything in my power to get the book out there and continue the story for all of you. I personally think each book has a feeling all of its own that is very different to the previous book, Dunnottar as those of you who have read it know was quite dark at times, so I am really excited about the fourth book, which was for a long time my favourite book to write. The book is very bright and quite fast paced compared to the previous books, and I think its quite emotional in parts as our hero has many changes in his life to deal with, Jade and Jett take on a whole new depth, as more of their future’s is revealed and some of those characters around the edges will come forward and shine as you learn more about them. There a some new villains to personify the evil ways of the Knox family, and as always the Dark One has been cooking up a few new frights for the Woodland fighters. So hopefully I will be able to bring it all to you as quickly as possible, and in between I will be posting on the Blog, Facebook and the website to hopefully thrill and entertain you to the best of my ability. Behind the scenes I want to finish the series and then look at a few other things I have plotted out, and maybe if things run a little smoother than 2012, I will be able to introduce you to other realms and other people living life in a whole number of differing ways.

As always I thank you for staying loyal to HTTK, and I hope that as we turn the corner of another year, that you all find peace and happiness, and enjoy your life in safety. My very best wishes to you all for 2013… Robin.

Throughout my life it has been something others have been curious of, and even thought was a little bit flaky about me, and even though I have been asked a thousand times why I love the wilderness more than the modern world, its not something I have ever been able to adequately explain, and I have thought deeply about it.

Recently I took my children out without my wife, which in itself is not a common occurrence, as we tend to make going out into the woods a family affair. It was for me a very enlightening experience, as I walked slowly along watching my children run and laugh, enjoying the open space. It got me pondering my own times as a small boy doing pretty much the same thing as my own children, who had become filled with curiosity by the wonder and diversity of the wild.

Adults tend to look at woodland in two ways depending on their persona, some see it as a restful place to walk and talk, and share some moments of relaxation and reflection. Then there are those who see it as a resource, something free that they can chop and crop to earn money and enhance their life in the modern world. As a child sharing a large open woodland with my brothers and friends, I realised it became something completely different. Children see the wild through untainted eyes, and in doing so they react more naturally with it than adults do, because they have not yet been indoctrinated with the complex rules of life, which man has spent the last two thousand years weaving into our society, to instruct us as to what is or isn’t acceptable behaviour.

Wild open fields and dense woodland provided a completely different way of life for my brothers and myself back in the seventies, especially if we could climb over the back fence and escape the gaze of our mother or the neighbours. Having looked back on those amazing wonderful and happy times with my brothers in deeper detail, I realised something, which has never really occurred to me. Children are ruled by logic and more importantly instinct, they are not guided by morality or what society deems to be acceptable, they do not hold back as adults have been taught to do, because of fear and reprisal, or carry any deep rooted prejudice, they simply become one with everything and experience everything on a one to one basis.

We are at heart Mammals, and whether we admit it or not, we have a great many deep-rooted instincts from our gatherer/hunter past, and our connection to the earth. Children still have these instincts and they are more finely tuned than us adults realise. A child allowed to run free exhibits a great deal of the wildness we all once held, and very quickly they become one with their environment. I can certainly say that my brothers and myself did, as we explored each and every aspect of the world that lay just over the garden fence.

Being allowed off the leash we instantly lost all of the disciplines of being in the house under the view of a parent. We found a space where we could be our own natural selves, with no need for pretence or modified behaviour, and we did run wild and free and it was a glorious and wonderful experience to feel that connection with the natural world. Growing up out of view of the adults in a leafy green filled world gave us the ability to learn about whom we were, and whom those around us were. All of us had strengths and weaknesses, and we built a strong bond of understanding between us because of it. The wilderness taught to be resourceful, and how to construct by simple den making, or building a dam to create a swimming pond on the small stream. We learned to navigate using the many paths that wove through the trees, and overcame some of our fears climbing trees and making rope swings. We found isolated spots where we could sit alone and become at ease with ourselves, and as we developed as people, it gave us the confidence to be who we are today.

Like all families we have been through the good and the bad times, we have squabbled and argued and spent time apart, and yet somehow we have always found a way of overcoming our disagreements and meeting again as brothers. I know at this point they will once again think I am being flaky, but I do think that the bond we forged in an all natural environment is why we can find a way back from whatever we may have fallen out about. I think those times of being natural around each other allowed us to show the true sense of who we are to each other, and in doing so, we know we can overcome anything in life, as we did when we worked together out in the wilds on a project as brothers.

Today as I look back on what was one of the happiest times of my life, I think I have started to understand a great deal more about why I became the person I am today. Unlike the children of these modern times, I was not cotton balled by a parent who was afraid to let me out of view for fear of being abducted or hurt. There was no computer technology to lock me in the house and spend my day’s endlessly pressing buttons in hope of killing an animated villain. I learned from nature, and more importantly, I learned how to respond to nature, and it has imprinted on me deeper than I realised, for long after my brothers wandered off with their friends and built their own lives, I continued my association with the trees and fields of my home town, and did finally choose the path of Horticulture, such was my love of all things living.

In many ways I think being given the chance to unlock those instincts, which to be honest date back to the early times of mankind, has changed me on a very deep level. I walk a great deal and take a lot of joy from the simplicity of Nature, more than likely because my knowledge is deeper than a lot of others, who have never had the experiences I had as a child. I certainly know that when I meet with my brothers and we talk, I see the happiness on their faces, and I know that for them the memory is just as deep, but I think for me personally, it is not just the memories of that time that have had such a deep affect on me, it is probably more knowing how it made me feel deep down. When you have drank from a stream, or climbed the tallest tree to feel the wind in your hair, or smelt the deep rich scent of the soil and grass as you bask sweating, lay down in the bright sun, something does awaken inside you, and you feel very different as a result of it. I am sure many of those who read this blog will fully understand what I mean, especially if they were raised during or before the seventies. I think since that time more and more of the green wild spaces have disappeared beneath the buildings of modern man, or been fenced off forever, and sadly less and less children have had the freedom and chance to fully experience it. I do think we pander too much and cotton ball our children, as fear has taken over and added to the endless rules from society of what is and is not acceptable, and as a result I think we are depriving children of something very valuable.

To experience the sort of freedom I had when I was a child, I think opens your mind and enriches your life, I learned so much about myself, the world, and those around me and it prepared me for life. It taught me to question when I was told it was wrong to be natural in my thoughts and feelings, and it gave me the confidence to listen to my instincts and allow them to guide me. Feeling that sense of being free and at one with everything is a powerful feeling, and maybe for those who try to guide the rest of society it is not a good thing, as it does erode control, but I honestly think I am blessed because of it and I want my children to experience it as I did, so that they too know and understand that not everything suggested by society is the right thing for them, they will at least have a choice.

Today I have finally left Horticulture after almost 30 years, and become a writer, and yet the influence of my youth and a life of loving all that grows around me, has seeped through on to the pages of my books, and I think I have reached a point where even I can understand why I have such a deep affinity with the green world, and I can finally answer those questions. Put very simply, if I was a character in Heirs to the kingdom, there is no doubt at all I would be a woodsman.

The sense of being free inside and using nature as my guide has driven me forward for the largest part of my life, there can be no going back, which is probably why I walk out of sync with the rest of the world that surrounds me. I think mankind has lost its way, we have become far too occupied with money and possessions, it is nice to have a little of everything as its adds to life. I think we have now begun a process of hiding behind stone walls protecting what is ours, and we have forgotten to look over the wall at what else is out there. We have as a race become prisoners of our own making, writing the rules of society and its conduct, so much so that we failed to see we have given up something so very important that has always defined us as people, our natural instincts, and that is a path that because of my youth I could never walk, and so for as long as live I think my strange affinity with the natural world will continue to be my guide, and thankfully although we are few, I know I am not alone.

The world is preoccupied with celebrity culture, and to be honest the perception is far more glamorous than the reality. Society implies that writers are rolling in money and have no cares at all in the world; they are free to sit around all day and do very little, people just assume that knocking a book out is a part time occupation that pays high dividends for the least amount of effort. The reality really is so far removed from the view that people share, and that is probably the reason why so many who could achieve great things in writing choose not to do so.

Moving away from the admiration shown by strangers and getting into the day to day mechanics is so very different, as those around you do not quite understand what can only be phrased as a form of obsessive compulsion. Half my family and friends, either think I am insane for doing this, and the other half I am sure think I sit around doing nothing enjoying a life of leisure. Being simply published is not a right of passage into wealth, just because your book has been put out there, does not provide any assurance that every bookshop in the land will stock your books, and tell every customer who enters the shop your work is there to be read. Selling books is actually one of the hardest professions I have ever been involved with, and I was always sure that like in my past, I could sell just about anything to anyone, the reality is it is a long and difficult task with fierce competition from the big boys who completely control the industry, doors do not open easily in the literate world, and unlike many professions, this is one field where you really do have to earn your stripes, by constantly pushing forward and not giving an inch to your rivals.

So why do it? I mean let’s face it, most writers with books out there barely earn enough to cover a week’s rent, let alone afford a normal life. It feels at times very much like the life of the poor writer from the times of Dickens has changed very little. The reality can be very off putting, and those who surround us have no understanding at all of why we appear to suffer as we labour at our craft. I think if I was paid one pound for every time I have been told I should get a proper job, I would indeed be far richer, and living to a much a higher standard, but the simple truth is there are few who really do understand why we choose to take the longest road to achieve our goals in life. For those who watch from the wings, they fail to see that the reality of writing goes so much deeper than money or material wealth. In a nutshell the world is far too obsessed with money and material gain to fully comprehend the love and joy of working with words.

Writing for everyone I have found is a deeply personal thing. I have spoken with quite a few other writers in my time, and I find that everyone has a very unique and different reason for what they do. From my own point of view, I love doing it because I like the person it has allowed me to become.

It may sound strange, I realise that, but if I elaborate a little, you will see what I am getting at. I think to be honest I not a terribly bad person, in fact I hope people have taken note of my life and the way I conducted it, for I will say that I have always tried hard to help people if I felt they needed it, but within that has lain a trap, and it is one I walked into many years ago without realising. For many years I ran my own business, and in my spare time I tried very hard to be there for those around me. I was a parent and in a relationship and doing my best to juggle all that was expected of me. It was not the easiest situation as I ran round taking care of business and helping out the family with endless duties related to caring and the building a better life, and everything that goes with it. I still lived at home alone, as my daughter had moved into her own place, and I spent my time in a relationship between two houses. For many years I seemed to be able to juggle it all and everyone was relatively happy, although there was always another task to do, and as soon as I finished one thing, I wasted no time getting involved with another, it was a busy and hectic life, and I think like many other people in the world today, I just assumed that it was appreciated and had meaning to those that I laboured so hard to help

Life ticked on, I was not wealthy, but I had a few pounds tucked away and enjoyed my annual holiday and a few small luxuries in life. Looking back today I was pretty much your average guy living the same sort of life as most other men in the world, but I found over time I was spending less and less time at home. My days were long, and I rose with the sun to go to work, which was quite manual and hard, and then after work I would spend my evening running around until late, and finally arrived home in the darkness and collapsed into bed, only to rise with the sun and begin it all again. It was very rare to spend a great deal of time at home, although on the few occasions I did, they felt like precious and special times.

After twelve years of this I clashed with the local authority and ended up in a fight to save my premises and business, fighting a fight I could not possibly win. It was a long drawn out, stressful and exhausting time, which resulted in the end of a relationship and the loss of all my savings. I finally won a small victory after two years of living hell, and returned home tired exhausted and very ill, and very much alone. That was at Christmas 2007, which is without doubt the worst one of my life; I was at braking point and felt very much like there was nothing in life worth continuing for. It was the darkest moment of my life, talk about landing with a bump! It is a sobering moment when you realise nothing you have done has meaning, and even though you have given everything, it was never appreciated. I had lost touch with my whole life, I had no idea where my friends were, I forgotten who the hell I was, and suddenly understood that I had sacrificed everything and every part of who I was in the hope of being the person everyone expected me to be. Talk about deep empty loneliness, it really was the bleakest time I have ever lived.

There comes a time in everyone’s life where you sit and look back and take stock of your life, well that was mine, and it was a very unpleasant experience. I tried to work out who the hell I was, and just what exactly I wanted out of life, nothing seemed to have meaning, even thirty years of working in Horticulture, which had always been my biggest passion laid dead before me, I struggled to think of one thing I had left that had the remotest glint of happiness attached to it.

The moment it hit me was like a bolt of lightening flashing through my mind, the one thing that I had always enjoyed was writing. Writing for me had been a way to channel the creative bursts that flowed through me from childhood. It was an unexplained phenomenon that had been the most consistent aspect of being me, something I was secretive and guarded about all my life. I guess I have a very insecure streak and so even though it had been something I loved, I had never actually shared it with that many people up until recently that was.

A year earlier when I had split up from my then long term girlfriend, I found myself alone at home, and used a little of that time writing to try and relax and distress. I had shared one story with a very small and trusted circle of friends who I worked with. To be honest I did it because all of us were caught in the same fight with the local authority and we needed a slight break from the endless stress and worry. But funnily enough, even through such a time of darkness and destruction it had brought a new life to the bleak life we ere enduring, and had served to help me unwind and relax a little whilst away from the shop. Writing down stories had been a long time hobby, I was never serious and honestly thought people would laugh at me if they found out, but as I looked back I remembered some of the things I had written, and how happy and contented I had been at those times. It did not take long to work out that I was too ill to go back to work, and needed a little time to get myself sorted out, and so I decided to take a few months to rest up and use the time to finish the story I had been working on for years. That was five years ago and I am still to this day writing with three tales from that story published and available for purchase.

To return back to my point a little earlier, why do I do it? I think it has become more than apparent. Becoming a writer may have surprised a lot of people; there are those who think I am insane so late in life to change my career. There are those who simply think I have lost it completely, and think now I have done it for a bit I should stop and get a real job. I simply will reply that I have given everything for years at great sacrifice to myself, and it ended up meaning nothing at all, and so I sit here alone at my desk and I do something that fills me with life, and gives me great joy. It makes me feel happy and contented, and for the first time in years, I actually feel like I am doing something that has meaning. I feel for the first time since I was a teenager that I truly understand who I am deep down inside, as the writing has given me the time to explore myself as I examine the world around me, and I have grown to like the person I know as me.

I have no idea if I am a good writer; I just know I feel good about doing it; I have sold books, so ask those who have read them what they think. Will my books continue to sell? Yes I think they will, I will not say you will see them on any best sellers list soon, but does that really matter? I think not. Writing cannot be about personal material gain; it can only be about those secret moments a writer has alone, where the magic creates something so wonderful it must be shared, and that is the reward of the creativity. My payment is being able to live my life on my own terms, probably for the first time ever, and all that came before is not as wasted as I thought, but it has become a rich mix of experience to serve my creativity in future stories.

I wake up each day with a mind racing to go, as ideas swirl endlessly around, I often get caught day dreaming, as I slip away from a conversation as something sparks inside and new ideas flow to the surface. I find my fingers twitching for want of a keyboard, and I know that something else that is very unique and special is about to come up and flow out of me. Life is suddenly exciting and wonderful, and filled with the thousands of emotions that I can lock onto paper, as I hear the rattle of the keys and excitedly pound them like a child waiting to find out what his present will be as he tears off the gift wrap. I write and research, or I spend my days trying to promote and spread awareness of what I have done, It is a longer day than I have ever worked, but somehow it feels so much more rewarding than anything I have ever done. That is my reality, and for me that is the pulse of life, I contain a deep passionate obsession that flows from my head and my heart into my fingers, and it beats in tune with the person I am today.

My writing has allowed me a chance to unload and release a lot of what was trapped within me, it is hard to explain the process, because at times even I get surprised at what ends up on the pages. All I can say is it is a part of my newly discovered personal happiness, and finally after some long years of wandering, I feel I am no longer lost. I feel that I am a very lucky man today, as I have a very supportive wife, who does indeed understand a great deal of why I write. She has been the one who has helped me and supported me in my writing, and even though life can be a struggle at times, I think she sees how much of difference it has made, and how happy I am to have her there at my side.

I write for the joy it brings, hopefully as a published story I can share it with others, and in some way they too will feel the joy of the process of writing as they read it. At the end of the day if people like it enough to encourage another to read it, then I am happy with that. I doubt you will ever see my books in the top 100, but for me personally that is not what writing should be about.

A more theatrical view of Robin Hood given us through early 1950′s Film

I have harboured a fascination with the legend of Robin Hood and his merry men since I was very young, I think being named Robin helped, as it provided me with a wonderful chance to identify with the hero of the people, and fuelled many sessions of play as a child. I remember when I was young being shown an old walking stick carved from the branch of a tree by my grandmother, who told me this was the stick Robin Hood used when he was injured, and had been passed down through her family line since. As you can possibly imagine, I have spent a lifetime looking for that link that placed me in the family line of my hero, but today having come to a dead end, I can only surmise that my grandmother was stringing me on, and doing her bit to add to the magic of my childhood games.My search for a family connection did however lead me to some family connections in Chapel on le Frith in Derbyshire, which placed me on the old road that ran through the village towards Castleton, and then across the valley towards Loxley, and on to York. This was a road well used by the king and the church alike, a place that back in the eleventh century would have been densely wooded, and most suitable for ambushes and robbery. I think that back in those times, the talk would have centred a great deal around the actions of the hooded man, and maybe some of it has been passed down, and with time the story got altered and like so many others across this land, a claim to Robin Hood was made and romanticised over the years until it was told to myself by my grandmother.

Whatever the truth there is no doubt that it has become a sort of preoccupation with me over the years, and when my daughter was young I continued to tell my own tale of Robin, albeit a very different story. Robin Hood formed the background of my tale as I made up a story to tell her at bedtime, and in my version of events, a young boy who was the direct descendant of Robin Hood became the focus of attention in the country as his distant ancestor had. Looking back I can see that the reason the story I made up for my daughter stuck with me, was it was all a big part of my preoccupation with the hooded man, and maybe that is why I laboured for so long until I finally published my first book, which I entitled the “Bowman of Loxley.”

Everyone is aware of Nottingham’s claim to Robin Hood, and it is true that in those times the city was surrounded by Sherwood Forest, a forest that was huge and would indeed have provided many places for Robin to hide. The thing I have always had difficulty with was why would he have been named Loxley? Most people in those times were named after their place of birth, and Loxley is miles away from Nottingham. There is in fact two, the first close to Stratford upon Avon (Place A), which is easily found on a large map of the country, and Loxley near Sheffield in Barnsley (Place B), which is only marked on the more local maps. Neither of them relate to Nottingham, and as I found out in my travels, Place A does not have too many connections with Huntingdon, which after all is very significant, as Robin Hood was reportedly the son of the Earl of Huntingdon.

It did not take too long to work out that the Loxley I needed to focus on was in the Bradfield area of Sheffield, right on the edge of Derbyshire and Yorkshire, and situated very close to Hathersage and Castleton which are both very relevant to the legend of the Hooded Man. Hathersage is the birth place of John Little, and to this day his grave can been seen in the church yard there, and Castleton hosts the ruins of Peveril Castle, a castle built by William Peveril who was a Sheriff of Nottingham, and it was also a Castle that served as a hunting lodge for the king.

This map shows how closely related Loxley, Hathersage and Peveril castle at Castleton are, giving credibilty to the connection of Loxley to the legend

Rodger Dodsworth the famous historian quotes around 1600-1640AD “Robert Lockesley, born in Bradfeild parish of Hallamshire (Loxley)” which for myself was proof enough I was on the right track. He goes on to describe how Robin injured his father at the plough and ran into the woodlands to hide. He later was forgiven by his mother and returned to Clifton upon Calder, ( Barnsdale or Bansley as it is known today) and there he became acquainted with John Little. The Sloane manuscript in the British Museum contains the entry, “Robin Hood was borne at Locksley in Yorkshire.” These discoveries gave me great heart, after all I wanted to know the truth of my hero, and if I was as I have, used the background of the hooded man in my writing, I wanted to have it as factually correct as possible.

The picture was starting to form as I searched, but the frustrating thing was I found it hard to link Robin of Loxley with the earldom of Huntingdon. My big break came when I found a wonderful website http://robinhoodloxley.net in 2007. A surviving member of the Loxley family built this site, and it is filled with some extensive research about the legend of the hooded man. For me it was like a eureka moment having invested years of following wrong leads out of Nottingham, and with a great deal of joy I read a passage that mentions Robert of Loxley agreeing to support a Henry de Leke for the rest of his life in 1245AD. The man at least really existed.

Further into the site it mentions that Robert de Loxley was a close friend with William de Lovetot, Lord of the manor of Sheffield, and both of them held “Possessions in Huntingdon” It appears that that Williams’s brother was the Sheriff of Nottingham, and his land in Huntingdon bordered the land of Robert de Loxley, which was the missing link I had been searching for as it placed Loxley, Peveril Castle and Huntingdon together in a circle of connection. David, King of Scots was the Earl of Huntingdon and he was the tenant in chief of Loxley in Hallamshire (Barnsley) so I now had an Earl in the forest of Loxley. I have not been able to formally provide a concrete family connection with the Earl and Robert of Loxley, but I found several leads from a Robert Fitzooth, who was son of the Earl and related back to William the Conqueror, and took up residency in Peveril Castle as game keeper to the kings forest, which contains Loxley. Maybe this would explain why Robert of Loxley was such a defender of the king and opposed the crowning of Prince John, as he had a direct family connection to the king, in this I cannot be sure, but it does help strengthen the case for a link between Robin and Huntingdon.

I have spent years looking into Robin Hood and I am convinced he was a Yorkshire man and had very little to do with Nottingham, apart from his very well documented dispute with the sheriff. My biggest hurdle of course has always been Sherwood, the vast forest, which surrounded the city and is still present in a much-depleted form today. To find an answer I began to search through as many maps as possible, so I could get a clearer picture of the lay of the land in medieval times, and I was quite surprised at what I found. We forget how much has been destroyed over the years and none more so than the great forests of the past. Looking at old maps I think I much prefer Britain as it was back then, for there were a lot less roads and more wide-open and forested spaces. Most of Britain in medieval times was wild unspoilt natural countryside and woodland that believe or not covered two thirds of the country.

The Kings Forest as I have mentioned is what we today call the peak district. It’s hard to fully comprehend at first because that in itself covers most of Derbyshire and a little of Yorkshire. It was indeed a vast forest, and from what I have read it was the largest breeding ground of Sparrow Hawks, and has tales of there being so many deer, that some people were killed when they stampeded. To say the least it was one of the most important areas of wild game in the country, and was a very important asset to the king who shared a passion for hunting with Hawks. The Kings forest and Sherwood bordered each other, in fact there are many documented disputes over the boundaries of the forests and who had jurisdiction. We know that the Sheriff of Nottingham lived at Peveril Castle, which is at Castleton in Derbyshire, but it appears to me that back then it was held as territory of Nottingham, so maybe the borders of the City of Nottingham have shrunk away over time and with it the borders of Sherwood. I think that the two were in fact one large forest that were fought over by the lords who governed it, and like all things in medieval times the borders shifted with the fights for supremacy. I think it is clear that to an outlaw it would not make that much difference whether they were in Sherwood or the Kings Forest (Peak District), it would pretty much feel the same and so maybe most of that area was known as Sherwood.

The important fact is that the whole area from Loxley to Nottingham was forested, and patrolled by the Sheriffs bailiffs who enforced the laws and collected the taxes. Derbyshire certainly has a great many areas that carry the name of Robin Hood and have many legends relating to him, so much so that I do think it is more than just coincidence that so many places carry his name and in a greater concentration than anywhere else in the country. The legend and a search for facts is still an ongoing thing for me, and so hopefully over time I will add to the endless piles of paper I have collected to piece together yet more parts of my puzzle, of which only the basics are contained here. This land is filled with tales, and finding any grain of truth is not an easy task. For my own enjoyment and pleasure I do hold to the idea of him being a real live hero of the people, and in many ways I suppose, I like thousands before me, have carried on the tradition of keeping his name alive, even if it is the few facts contained within my books of a young boy in the future who finds out he has a link to him from the past.

We live in times where all of us see and feel the injustice of those who misuse power for their own gain, and in that I think is the wonder of this man of legend. All of us can identify with someone who fights for us and defends us when we cannot defend ourselves, it is a tale filled with the romance of a past time, yet very much applicable to our time now. I think it shows that even though we have progressed forward as a race into this world of ever changing technology, that some things will always remain the same, and no matter what happens in the future, there will always be those who steal for greed and power, and hopefully there will be those who will make a stand and fight for us. Long live the tales of the past and tales to come; the Hooded Man is an important part of our heritage as a nation, and I for one want to see it remain so.

When I feel I have finished my search, I may even put it all together in a small book, although there again, I may leave it all for my children to do, and thus continue the legacy of passing on the tale.

I cannot really speak for other author’s as I have only my own experience of writing, but I can say that for myself it is a very worrying trend and I do feel concerned about the way the larger global companies discount books and offer them at such low prices, often below the price they have paid themselves. Discounting is and has always been a large part of the printed book selling industry, but recent trends in the movement to digital has seen a sharp fall in the sales of printed books, and as more and more people switch over to one of the many digital devices, I fear my time as an author may be coming to an abrupt end, because with digital books selling at lower and lower prices, I find it hard to see how I will earn enough revenue to actually stay afloat.

I have just finished writing the latest in the series of books I have been working on since 2006, (Heirs to the Kingdom) and currently have three of the series out and the fourth is ready for publication. Obviously because this is a detailed series and I had been writing long before I got the first published in 2009, I am at an advanced stage in the writing process, and as you can see I am six years into it. I work every day of the week on the books, and due to the plot and the many layers within the books, I have a constant run of threads weaving through the series that have to be picked up and woven into them. The latest book in the series has taken me just over a year at 14 months to research and write, it has been a long drawn out process checking every step of the way that I have not missed out vital key issues from the previous books, and has also involved a great deal of research and fact finding missions, to ensure that the book comes across as being realistic, even though it is a work of fiction.

The research for the books can consist of Internet searches, book purchasing and reading up, or visiting locations that allow me to take photographs to aid in the process of writing accurately. All of this has a cost that is borne out by myself, I am like so many other writers out there working hard to establish myself in the world of fiction and trying to build a reputation for myself. I have used a self publishing company to get the books out, which not only has a cost for production, it also means I have to fund the costs of promotion, which has many related extra costs. I pay for the web site to remain up and running, and I also have to pay many of the various sites that feature my books, I try wherever possible to use as much free publicity as I can, but that is a shrinking market and so more often than not, a new site to help me promote comes at a cost.

I have spent six years writing almost full time, earning extra income selling jewellery which my wife makes, and purchasing my own books at wholesale to sell at events, its a low income way of living, but with some clever budgeting we survive as a family and push forward.  When I first decided to publish this series, I sat for a great deal of time with my wife, and we looked at our prospects, having researched the subject in full, it was never going to be easy, but we have managed and have taken the long term view of slowly building up the reputation and taking it one sale at a time. To date we have invested quite a sum of capital into this project, its pretty much almost everything we had, and we have after three years of hard work, recovered around 5% of what we have spent, it is indeed a very long term investment.

This article is not a complaint, its an honest appraisal of what myself and others have done, for I know that in this I am not alone. I love writing, it has taken me a very long time to pluck up the courage to put my work into print, and now that I have, I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been, as I have finally found something that I love and adore as a working lifestyle. I do not mind that its taken the last 14 months to put together the latest episode of my series, I have no qualms at all knowing I will now move forward to check the book over and over to ensure it is to the highest possible standard before it goes of to be proof read, a process that will take possibly another six months of constant scrutiny, because at the end of the day I know that there is growing readership of people who will read my words and gain a great deal of enjoyment from them, but I have to ask one very important question.

Why is it when it comes to the world of books and writing, that my efforts have so little value?

My books are not in a digital format yet, and even though this is going to be the future of books, you must agree that to sell what will finally reach 20 months of work for less than the price of a birthday card is somewhat insulting?

I know of no other industry where a man’s life and work have such little value, and yet that is what the digital readers demand, which in my case is a detailed book of over 200 thousand words for less than £4. The mad thing is that is not even my share, as profits have to go to the distributor etc… I think it works out about the total value of a cheap cup of poor coffee per copy sold. I must have drunk over a million whist sat here writing the thing. I suppose the question is… If I offer you a job and pay you the same, would you consider it for more than a millisecond? Of course you wouldn’t, who would?

Publishing is one of very few industries that exploits its most valued asset, the creative source, and no matter what happens in the future that will remain unchanged. All writers know that the odds of making a living that can sustain life are very slender indeed. There are a few very lucky writers who hit at the right moment and they are the 3% that make it as a full time writer reaping the rewards of their labour, the rest of us keep going in hope that one day someone out there will read our work and hopefully recommend it to their friends, which at the end of the day is how books become known, its no different to acting or dancing, all of us are waiting for that all important break, and some of us will never get it, but we live in the slim hope we may if we persevere. We love what we do, and we are happy doing it, but do not insult us beyond that, have the decency to understand how much time and effort goes into the process, and offer us a fair price for it. Digital may appear a cheaper option, but the costs are not really that much different from print for an author, it should be a cheaper version I agree, but lets keep the price a little fairer. It matters not how you read a book, whether its print or digital it has value, because for the reader it an experience that provides joy and excitement, and for the author it is often more than a year of their life.

Hopefully this will shed a little light which I feel enlightens the view, I shall remain a writer no matter what happens, and I shall see where that takes me, one thing I do know is that its going to be an interesting journey.

Those who know me, will know I am indeed very opposed to war, I see it as a waste of life, not only on the part of the soldiers who fight, but also those who get caught in the middle and suffer as civilians. I believe strongly that all life is precious and should be preserved, but I also understand that at times the race of man can be blighted with madness, and those few who crave power will stop at nothing to get what they desire, and at those times in the past it has lead to war, as even today madmen around the world are ruling in a reign of terror driven by greed and the lust for power that had lead to conflict and weapons.

Looking at the world back then, and making the comparison with today, you see the stark difference between then and now. Let me elaborate slightly, looking at those men of Bomber Command from the 1940’s, you are acutely aware of their age, for most of them were under 25, in most cases they were just 21, hardly the age you would feel was right to put your life on the line. These very young men felt honour bound to step up to the plate and serve their country, never forget that most of these young men actually volunteered to serve in the air force. They did not join in peace time and then get caught up in the war, they actually sat and thought about it, then made the very brave and bold move to enlist, because they felt it was their duty to do so. All of them believed that what they were doing was right, and they did it to play their role and try to save the pain and suffering of the people of their nation, it is a massive undertaking from one so young, who has not even began to live their life. Just ponder that for a moment, for it is something I feel many have forgotten, and it is massively important that it is understood in the right context.

They gave their lives willingly to protect everyone in this nation, even with my anti war stance, I cannot help but admire and respect such an act of courage.

Something else has happened today that has made me think about the way in which I portray certain elements of my story Heirs to the Kingdom. Today the news is filled with Barclays Bank, and how at a time when the government of this country was using taxpayers money to bail them out for mismanagement, they fixed interest rates in their favour across the banking network, to rip off thier customers and gain massive profits at the same time. Somehow these men who are actually older and wiser, chose to fiddle the system for personal gain and profit. Somewhere in the midst of all of it there are a few young men who had the benefit of not going to war to die, and they chose to go to university and train to enter the banking world, where they dreamed of making money at the expense of everyone else. Today, at a time when the whole of the country is on its knees and suffering because of the many mistakes and bad deals made via the banks, they chose to push harder and gamble on a high stakes game of money, so that they would fill their own pockets and not suffer the pain they have caused. Just take a few moments and think about it, just think of the selfish and greedy state of mind they must live in to actually chance yet greater risks to a bank system already on its knees, so that they alone would be free of any kind of suffering whatsoever.

It kinda makes you feel sick to the stomach doesn’t it?

I write fiction fantasy stories, and yet in my mind there is no greater example of the difference between those of the Woodland Realm, who fight to protect those who cannot fight for themselves, and those of the Empire of Mason Knox, who are driven by greed, power and a selfish obsession to benefit themselves.

Comparing the two it also marks a huge shift in the way the modern society is moving and has indeed moved over the last fifty years. Since World War Two we have entered into what I see as the age of technology, because in the rebuilding of this country we have researched a great deal and have indeed turned the corner, on bringing modern devices to the masses to be sold at huge profits. The ordinary people have sold into the lie that they cannot live without the endless lines of goods sold to them, and using the latest research in psychology to help gain the advantage and brainwash us into believing we need this endless line of new modern products, capitalism has taken hold and changed the world and the people forever. I am convinced that my age of modern man is here, and looking at how we treat each other and the world around us, I suddenly feel that what I considered fiction at the time of writing makes me feel a little uncomfortable looking at the world of today.

People have changed, it is woven through society with fine strings of greed, but one can only ask will it ever change or end? I have one theory on its ending, I wrote it into my story, but there is a large part of me that thinks the world will continue as the divide between those who have, and the have-nots grows wider. Maybe at some future point the divide will become so great that their will be some deciding action, I cannot really say, environmentally I think the signs are there that stronger forces are at work, and that poses the question of whether or not man as he is today could deal with a massive natural disaster. Somehow I think not, the stark difference between those who fought the war and those who run our country today feels very much like they are at complete opposites, I may be wrong, and would hope in many ways I am, but just to be sure, and if I had the power to do so, I think I would much rather turn back the clock and live amongst men like those who paid the ultimate price for the country and people they loved.