Category Archives: The Writer

All experience of RJm as a Writer, including my thoughts theories and other clutter from my mind.

Taking Stock.

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There comes a time in every man’s life, where it is time to stop and take stock of all you have done and achieved, for most men it is a single event that comes around forty, and it is an important moment as you look back at all you have done, and with a little hope the picture is pretty good.

I have done it a few times in my life; I often think that was due to the fact that I had to change direction often, as deep inside me there were important changes going on brought on by changes in my life. My first break up from a long term relationship, losing my job after 12 years of hard grafting loyalty, fighting a council to save my business, all of them exacted huge changes that made me stand up and take notice, and forced me to drastically alter the way I lived. Within the past two years two events again have made me sit and focus on what is important in this life we live, and I feel it poses as many questions as it answers.

I think most of us take Nature for granted, and I think within that lies a note of caution, because Nature holds all of us within a delicate balance, something brought home to me in the hardest possible lesson recently as I watched my first daughter suffer, it was a reminder that had been served to me a year earlier as I watched my father struggle when he nursed my Step Mother back to health, and from those hard and painful times, I have started to understand the true value of the gift we all call life.

A recent survey I read (Which I cannot find the link to. If I do I will add it later) listed the five biggest regrets men had on their deathbeds, and one that struck me whilst reading, was the high proportion of men who wished they had not worked so much. I think it resonated so deeply within me, because in the childhood of my first daughter I worked at large Garden Centre, and the job which I loved took me out of the home at weekends and holidays, and also involved almost dawn till dusk working hours, as a result I missed all of those important moments watching her grow up. The sad thing was it wasn’t even worth it, I worked so hard and was without doubt one of the most loyal members of staff, but when it came down to the line, the owner let me go simply to save money in a budget cut, where he kept on the cheaper members of staff. OK in the long run he lost out, after all I was the one who brought in the sales, and to a large degree could justify my long working hours with my wage, but it hit me hard at the time, and it knocked me flat on my face for a long time after. I vowed then I would not work for another employer again, and began to set up my own business.

I learned an important lesson, one which I was lucky to get earlier in life than most other men, and when by what I see as a miracle, I became a father again later in life, I knew I was not going to pass up the chance of a lifetime to enjoy the life of my new child. Today I write from home, the money as a writer is not great, I do not live as well in comparison to my days working in a large Garden Centre, but I am surrounded by my family, and even though it is a struggle at times and I do worry about what happens if my books do not sell, I still think by comparison I am a lot happier than I was back then. It does pose the quality versus quantity argument as to which approach is best, and yet being by my wife’s side and enjoying the freedom to take my children out and watch them as they excitedly investigate the world around them, for me is something of extra special value, as I now want my time here with all of them to count.

As most of you know I love Celt culture and tradition, and one thing in particular that I am reminded of at the moment, is how they believed you should honour your ancestors and all who have been before you. To the Celts, it is the sum total of each member down your family line that has brought you to this point in your life, it is a profound thought when you sit and think of the lives of your family dating back through each generation, In a way I think it is a very important point that most of us have forgotten.  In heirs to the Kingdom I used the phrase, when I leave this realm, I will sit in a place of honour at my father’s table, it is a reference to this the oldest of Celt traditions and it is something that is a deep part of my own personal beliefs. Again it poses the question of when I finally leave this realm, what will make me worthy enough to earn my place at the table?

I know a few people who have worked hard all their lives, and in many cases they have built themselves up quite a business or small empire to show the world the worthiness of their achievements, and you cannot react in any other way than to admire the courage and determination they have shown in achieving such a feat. But at the moment I do question whether or not it was worth the sacrifice and effort, because I can only ask what will happen when they are finally gone? The cost they pay to achieve such a thing is very high indeed, and in most cases behind every successful business man, is a divorce or unfulfilled wife, and children who really do not know who their father truly is a person, it feels like a heavy price to pay for success to me.

History teaches us that all empires fall, so is it even worth building one in the first place? That at the moment is a question I have no answer to. Something that I think about and is important to me is the example set by my father. His father died when he was a small boy, and I often think of how my father worked his way up in his job to finally reach the top position, it was not an easy journey as he began at the bottom. Along the way he earned a great deal of respect, due mainly to his even handedness of those he managed. He spent a great deal of his free time in the Mountain Rescue, again playing his role as a team member saving the lives of a great many people. Is his father sat in another realm watching with pride? I would say a very resounding yes; my father has indeed earned his place at the table, because even when he is no longer with us, as a result of his life, other lives have been touched and changed by the way he lived.  As you can probably imagine I am very proud to be his son, and I can only hope that one day I will measure up to him, and all that have been before me, and take my own seat at the table that is the legacy of my family line.

I have lived quite an unconventional life, I am a natural rebel and I have lived a life without too much planning, taking in the moment and trying to make the best of it. I have always felt we place far too much emphasis on money and possessions and how everything appears to others, we are indoctrinated from when we are small children as to what is and is not acceptable, and yet those who teach us these so called important rules for life, disregard them completely and are usually the ones who obsess over money and gather great possessions, whilst breaking every rule ever set for what is deemed to be acceptable moral or otherwise. It is their way to control us, and I think today we are seeing that clearer and clearer as we watch corrupt governments and religious leaders lie and cheat to gain power and wealth for themselves, and the banks and business grow ever larger under the rule of their fat cat owners, as inequality and injustice are heaped upon the rest of us, so why should we live our lives at their benefit? The world has become obsessed with celebrity culture and the material gains they flaunt, I mean lets be honest why does the sex life of a celebrity really matter? Who cares if they have had an affair or slept with ten people in one night, I mean really does it matter that much in the scheme of things that they spent ten million on a marriage that lasted only fifty days? Focus on your own sex life and enjoying it, and make yours the one marriage that no matter what trials you have, it works.

Is it not more important to live as feels right for us?

Shouldn’t we all live in a way that honours those who came before us? I think it is time for change, and it should start by all of us taking stock of who we are, and what is more important to us. For myself, it is important that I leave something behind that my children and wife will never forget, it is also important that I earn the respect of my father and earn my place at his table. I am lucky I am a published author, I will leave something behind, my words will remain on file in the central library of the UK forever and so future generations of mine will be able to read the words I have written and share in my world, for my books do contain my life and my feeling and thoughts, even if they are written in a way that is encrypted to the rest of the world. More importantly I want my children to hold the respect for me that I hold for my father, that is the legacy I want to leave them, I want the memories to be of happiness as they remember how I introduced them to Nature and showed them how to use the tools we have to create and build things, and also to remember the lessons I learned in life to aid them and prevent them making the same endless mistakes I have. I want them to live free of thought, and not shackled by the rules of the institutions that have crept into this world and dominated opinion for generation after generation.

The one thing I am very proud of is my thirty year role around plants. I have sown millions of seeds, taking hundreds of thousands of cuttings, and travelled this country selling them on cheaply to people who have taken them home to plant and grow on with care. As I look out of my window across the woodland and wild fields, I can see countless trees that have been planted by me, some of which are now growing into early maturity. I have collected and scatted millions of wild flower seeds across this land, and helped revive some flagging varieties by reintroducing them back into the wild, and I have fought and campaigned to save trees all around the world, so when my moment comes to walk out of this world into another one, I will know I am leaving it a little more beautiful than when I came into it. That is one thing I am immensely proud of, and even though no one will ever truly know the extent of my life with plants, I have left something behind me which with hope will remain as a marker to my life for many years to come.

Be UniqueThe one thing I have learned more than anything else in the past 18 months is that life is precious, and it should be lived to its fullest. It is so unimportant what others think, being true to yourself and living every moment is far more important, because we really do not know when Nature will slip and the balance will change. The media is filled with endless opinion on what is and is not acceptable, but the daft thing is, it is only at that moment of time that it appears relevant, all the shocks and scandals we see blow over in days as the news rolls ever on, and it is the same of life, none of it really matters, but your family and its past heritage will, so honour it and those around you, by being true to yourself. It does not matter how you live, what is really important is that you live it well.

The Celts believed: Respect all of nature and every living soul. Live your life to its fullest, and hurt none. It is a ten thousand year old piece of advice, and to be honest, it is still the best piece of advice I have ever read.

The simplest of things.

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The simplest of things

Sometimes, its the simplest things that can have the most significant impact.

It is funny at times the strange little memories that stay in your thoughts. It was the first week of January 2013, I was out shopping with my wife Rin and the kids, and we had stopped off at Argos to pick up some bits and pieces for the computer. Rin was paying at the counter, and I was stood by the bank of TV’s with the kids, as the store was pretty busy due to the Sales, and across the room I noticed my eldest daughter. It seems so trivial, but it is such an important memory that is fixed in my mind, I think it is because she looked so happy as she flicked through the catalogue talking to her partner. I remember smiling as I noticed how she softly stroked her large bump, she was just weeks away from giving birth, and in all her 29 years, I don’t think I have ever seen her as happy as she was in that single moment, which is possibly why it is such a vivid memory.

The next weeks followed, and I felt the excitement grow, talking on the phone with her really got me going, and my excitement spilled out over the following days as I talked with my youngest daughter, and asked her how excited she was to know that very soon, she would meet our new edition to the family. It was a special time as I grew with impatience looking forward to finally meeting my first grandchild. The call came at 11pm on January 24th, and as Rin handed me the phone saying it was my daughter, I felt the explosion inside me as I put the phone to my ear to get the confirmation that I was finally a Granddad. It was not my daughter, it was her partner, and he was crying, after that his words blurred as just the few words of “Problem, No Heartbeat, So Sorry” crashed into my universe.

Rowan Elizabeth Morgan, my first grandchild was born sleeping on January 24th 2013.

It is so hard to describe the rest of the night; I can only say shock, numbness, tears, and an overwhelming pain radiated from my core. The night crawled past and became morning, as I sat at my desk looking for answers that were never going to come, closely followed by torrents of more tears, more pain and then anger. The injustice of it, the added pain of knowing the devastation of my daughter, and so slipped past the following day into another night lay awake in bed feeling yet more anger mixed with tears of hopelessness and more inner pain. Before I knew it, Sunday had arrived and I was at the hospital having held my Granddaughter in floods of tears, and gazed upon her small delicate beautiful little face, she was indeed an angel, but that just made it harder, as there are no answers as to why?

The most harrowing moment was watching my daughter hold her child, and knowing that soon the time would come when she would be taken away forever, it tore me into pieces to see the look on her face as she finally handed her daughter back to the nurse to be taken away forever. That is a memory that will haunt my dreams until the day I die, it is an act so unnatural that I would not wish it on any, not even my worst enemy, I barely held it together and bit hard on my lip to maintain my composure, so that I could stay strong for my daughter, it was horrendous and possibly the hardest thing I have ever faced.

My Daughter’s sobs, stabbed at me like knives as they took little Rowan away, and all I could do was hold her as there were no words I could say to ease her pain as she wept telling me, “It should not be like this, I should be taking her home, I don’t want to leave her here Dad, it’s not right.” That is another memory that will never leave me, neither will the feelings of complete helplessness, as for the first time in her life, I could not breeze in and fix things like I had always done for her, as a parent and a human being I felt utterly useless and incompetent and could only hold her as she wept. I knew then I had to find some way or something that would ease the pain she was going through.

Someone beat me to it, but I am not complaining, if anything I am so utterly thankful.

A little while later, the Midwife presented my daughter with a Memory Box. A simple box that is just a little larger than a shoe box. I will never forget as I sat and watched my daughter’s face as she opened it and went through its contents one at a time. A small box with Rowan’s Name bracelet, A frame into which there was a clay plate that had the impressions of Rowan’s tiny hands and feet on it, A small plastic case containing a lock of Rowan’s dark hair, a small remembrance candle, a tiny crystal angel, a teddy which was one of two, one of which had been placed with Rowan. A set of pictures taken of her with her mother, and a blank CD, onto which she could store more, and also a letter.

 

4louis bannerThe letter was from Kirsty and Micheal McGurrell, they were the ones who provided the hospital free of charge with the box. Kirsty like my daughter, suffered the same fate back in 2009, and as a result when she had recovered, she set up an organisation called 4louis (Named after her born sleeping son). The box filled with small important items that my daughter was looking at, and was understanding that she would not be leaving the hospital empty handed after all, it is no substitute for losing a child, but I saw the love and relief in her eyes and for a few moments felt my own pain subside and a little hope start to grow.

It is impossible to replace a lost child, but it is possible to ensure that there is something to remember them by. I am almost 50, and fortunately I have lived a good life, and if for some terrible reason I lose a loved one, then I know I have years of items and memories that I can hold in those moments of need.  With a child born sleeping there is nothing, not even a minute of life, and it is for that reason that I will be eternally grateful to Kirsty and Micheal for having the foresight and dedication of love to ensure my daughter has something.

I came home tonight and talked to my wife, and we both agree that this is a cause worthy of support. I went onto the internet and found  www.4louis.co.uk  and we read every page and felt stronger and stronger in our belief. 17 children every single day in the UK are born sleeping, that is 17 daughters stricken with grief, and 17 heartbroken dads feeling as lost and unable to find words of comfort for their children.  4louis is a charity that needs more support, it was only as recently as December 2012 that they managed to put their very first boxes into Stepping Hill hospital, and I am so grateful that they did, because five weeks later one of those boxes contained the only proof that Rowan Elizabeth was ever here.

Corinne and Myself decided tonight that this charity will become our number one charity. I am not a famous writer, I do not have thousands of pounds to give them, but if I did I most certainly would, and from today onwards I am going to build and include a page on my website with dedicated links for 4louis. Millions get spent every year on research and improving the odds of mothers with babies at risk, but no matter how much research is done, there are still too many daughters like mine who will have to suffer the horrendous pain of a child born sleeping, and so I intend to put my time and efforts towards helping them.

My company VCP, which promotes all my writing and books, will from now on make regular contributions. A simple memory box has a production cost of just £16 per box, and so I would ask everyone supporting my work to consider just a small contribution towards such a wonderful and caring organisation, whose sole purpose is to try and help ease the suffering of parents and grandparents going through emotional hell. The box my daughter has at home today, will help ease her through the next days, weeks, months, and years, and with 17 new cases every day, we need to make sure that there is a constant stream of money to support this cause.

Not only do they supply free of charge the boxes, they also supplied camera’s, printers and photo paper, to ensure that the service will not cost the hospital anything, so they can afford to maintain such care and attention. The charity also is starting to provide extra equipment to help the special departments dealing with born sleeping children, so please join me, and even if you can only spare a couple of pounds, take it from a Dad who has watched his daughter suffer in a most horrible way, that small amount of cash is worth everything to a Dad like me.

Please visit the website, and watch the video, and then browse through the site and see what amazing work they do, and if you can spare just a little, then from myself on behalf of my daughter, I thank you and will be forever grateful.

Robin John Morgan.

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http://www.4louis.co.uk/

Revue of 2012.

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Its that time of year again, where most of us look back at the year gone, and look in hope to the coming New Year. I think there will be a very large amount of people around the world this year praying for something to change, as 2012 has been for just about everyone a very turbulent and difficult year. The global financial melt down of a few years ago has finally kicked in, and this year all of us felt the bite as people of the every nation have had to pay for the mistakes and greed of the very rich few. Talking as I do to people online or on the streets, the feeling of injustice is rife, and I think it is warranted, although knowing how the bankers have used their influence over the years, I think that they will wriggle out of it as they have in the past.

For everyone its been difficult, and for myself personally it has been a bit of a roller coaster year that started with some terrible news of a family member struck down with the threat of a terminal illness that had a very profound effect on me deeply, and changed some of my ways of thinking. That was followed up with troubles for my mother that stretched throughout the year making life at times very stressful to deal with, and for a while in the middle of the year, I lost my ability to focus and write, something that has never happened to me before, and that really tested my limits of endurance, as I fought my frustrations to redefine my focus and continue with the writing. There has been a lot more than usual for the shredder this year, poor thing, I think I have pushed it to the limit.

Summer was wet, again a frustration that encroached on my time outdoors in the garden, although I was still able to walk with the trees above my head, and watch my children splash in the puddles. I spent a great deal of time watching the rain run down the windowpane making notes for the moment when I could focus my mind on reaching the climax to the series of Heirs to the kingdom.

The landscape in the book world has changed again this year, and in the early part of the year printed books sales appeared to die, casting a bad omen for every writer. Like all other writers, I thought about digital books, and when I was emailed to inform mw that the Moby site had been taken down, I contacted my Publisher to discover that I no longer had digital copies of my books available. Over the month that followed and subsequent emails the New Digital Kindle editions were made available via the publisher, and I was pleased to see that in that first week quite a few copies were being downloaded, I must confess I am not a fan of Digital, and was sceptical as to whether or not the books would look decent on such a small screen, and although I am not 100% happy with how they look, the feed back from those who bought them was positive and gave me a lift.

Early winter saw a big change for me, as my wife took the Jaded Opals stall out on her own for the first time, its not been the best of years for bookings, but when the chance came up to run it for seven weeks, she took it and left me at home to look after the kids and focus on the writing. It felt so strange not having her there as I wrote to comment on my thoughts, and although I had written a few new things, I made the most of the quiet moments to look at HTTK and think of ways to improve on we have available to date.

Income has been hard to find this year, creating the largest frustration of all for me, as I have not been able to get the fourth book in the series out. Behind the scenes I have gone through a wide spectrum of emotion as I stressed myself out trying to force an issue that was not going to happen. I was bent all out of shape not wanting to let the readers down, and it did me no good as it just added to my frustrations, but finally with a few calming words from my wife, I accepted my fate and found I had clarity to move forward. With no book out, I have had to focus on promotion, and so for the last quarter of the year that has been my plan. On Facebook there has been an increase in what we post, which has included excerpts from the first three books, and behind the scenes I have worked on changing some of the pages to the website, as well as including some new ones.

I think a more positive outlook had a big effect on the world around me, as I saw my family member who had fought all year with ill health grow steadily stronger and better, there is still some way to go, but I feel positively thrilled that they have come through the worst and have it under control. My Mum who has struggled in terror, has moved to a new house, and that has solved most of her issues talking a huge load off my shoulders, and the best thing of all is that I found my stride and continued with a renewed vigour on the final book in the series, completing a full 24 chapters to date, with enough notes to write possibly another six books (Just joking this is the last one).

Feeling a lot more at ease and more creative than I have been in a long time, I took my notes and began work in mid December on a new aspect of the web site. On Boxing Day I put up the first of a series of interviews and situations experienced by a man I have named Gordon Waggstaff. He is a writer who runs the postal service out of Mottram on the edge of the Peak District. The idea behind this project is that this allows me to run a blog like newssheet from the heart of the woodland realm. I know I run the blog from the HTTK website, but this news letter known as the Tribune Today, allows me to give a view of life directly from the woodland realm at the moment the story happens. I have a quite a bit of work to do back dating some of the articles, but this also allows me to fill in the time gaps between some of the books, as well as provide more details and information of the life our hero and those around him live.

Editing HTTK always sees the loss of a few things, so the Tribune is a way of including them using the website as a vehicle to do so. Its still very early days, but hopefully it will bring another fun and interesting aspect to the whole of the HTTK experience. In my mind, I can only try and hope that you all enjoy it. Some early feedback has been positive, so I can only hope it continues that way as the articles open up and expand on the storyline.

Facebook has been difficult this year, they have made a lot of new changes of which most of them have restricted the way in which I send out posts and updates. They are starting to show their corporate credentials as they push to make page holders like myself pay for the content I post. I have to confess that if that becomes the case, I will not have the income to continue on Facebook, and so I have tried and will be trying a few methods to help get round the difficulties. The most obvious first attempt is with the free books giveaway, The Kingdom Christmas Giveaway, which although is still quite small scale, has proven that there are a lot of people out there who are not aware of the books and would be interested in reading them, hopefully over the coming year I will find a few more ideas that will do something similar. It has always been the goal of my wife and myself to try and get the books into the mainstream to attract the attention of the public, as I do believe there are a lot of people who would enjoy what I write, so each time a books sells we are one step closer, and can only hope that they recommend the books to a friend or two. It is a long-term view of things, but for a relatively unknown author such as myself, it is the only way I can move my work forward. I have been given a great deal of hope this year, as I have seen authors similar to myself make giant steps forward in the book world by using social media to promote, and so at this point I must say a very special thank you to each and everyone of you who has given a moment of your time, to like a post, comment or recommend my books to a friend, I really cannot put into words how grateful I am to those who have supported me, and helped me spread the word of my writing. There have been some pretty dark moments for me this year, and it is through your efforts that I have felt the greatest encouragement and resisted the urge to throw in the towel and get a proper job, so thank you to all of you, it really is a heart warming aspect of my long days sat here at the desk.

So the New Year is almost here, and what do I have in store for you all? My priority is the fourth book, I want it out like yesterday, and so my attention and focus is to drive hard and do everything in my power to get the book out there and continue the story for all of you. I personally think each book has a feeling all of its own that is very different to the previous book, Dunnottar as those of you who have read it know was quite dark at times, so I am really excited about the fourth book, which was for a long time my favourite book to write. The book is very bright and quite fast paced compared to the previous books, and I think its quite emotional in parts as our hero has many changes in his life to deal with, Jade and Jett take on a whole new depth, as more of their future’s is revealed and some of those characters around the edges will come forward and shine as you learn more about them. There a some new villains to personify the evil ways of the Knox family, and as always the Dark One has been cooking up a few new frights for the Woodland fighters. So hopefully I will be able to bring it all to you as quickly as possible, and in between I will be posting on the Blog, Facebook and the website to hopefully thrill and entertain you to the best of my ability. Behind the scenes I want to finish the series and then look at a few other things I have plotted out, and maybe if things run a little smoother than 2012, I will be able to introduce you to other realms and other people living life in a whole number of differing ways.

As always I thank you for staying loyal to HTTK, and I hope that as we turn the corner of another year, that you all find peace and happiness, and enjoy your life in safety. My very best wishes to you all for 2013… Robin.

Learning From The Green.

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We all have a powerful attraction to an element in our own lives, be it the car we drive or the house we own, each and everyone of us shares an affinity with some other element of this life on earth. In my case my deepest attachment has always been to the wild world of the woodland filled with trees, I have never really understood or been able to explain it, there just feels like something within a woodland that captures my heart and fills me with a sense of who I am.

Throughout my life it has been something others have been curious of, and even thought was a little bit flaky about me, and even though I have been asked a thousand times why I love the wilderness more than the modern world, its not something I have ever been able to adequately explain, and I have thought deeply about it.

Recently I took my children out without my wife, which in itself is not a common occurrence, as we tend to make going out into the woods a family affair. It was for me a very enlightening experience, as I walked slowly along watching my children run and laugh, enjoying the open space. It got me pondering my own times as a small boy doing pretty much the same thing as my own children, who had become filled with curiosity by the wonder and diversity of the wild.

Adults tend to look at woodland in two ways depending on their persona, some see it as a restful place to walk and talk, and share some moments of relaxation and reflection. Then there are those who see it as a resource, something free that they can chop and crop to earn money and enhance their life in the modern world. As a child sharing a large open woodland with my brothers and friends, I realised it became something completely different. Children see the wild through untainted eyes, and in doing so they react more naturally with it than adults do, because they have not yet been indoctrinated with the complex rules of life, which man has spent the last two thousand years weaving into our society, to instruct us as to what is or isn’t acceptable behaviour.

Wild open fields and dense woodland provided a completely different way of life for my brothers and myself back in the seventies, especially if we could climb over the back fence and escape the gaze of our mother or the neighbours. Having looked back on those amazing wonderful and happy times with my brothers in deeper detail, I realised something, which has never really occurred to me. Children are ruled by logic and more importantly instinct, they are not guided by morality or what society deems to be acceptable, they do not hold back as adults have been taught to do, because of fear and reprisal, or carry any deep rooted prejudice, they simply become one with everything and experience everything on a one to one basis.

We are at heart Mammals, and whether we admit it or not, we have a great many deep-rooted instincts from our gatherer/hunter past, and our connection to the earth. Children still have these instincts and they are more finely tuned than us adults realise. A child allowed to run free exhibits a great deal of the wildness we all once held, and very quickly they become one with their environment. I can certainly say that my brothers and myself did, as we explored each and every aspect of the world that lay just over the garden fence.

Being allowed off the leash we instantly lost all of the disciplines of being in the house under the view of a parent. We found a space where we could be our own natural selves, with no need for pretence or modified behaviour, and we did run wild and free and it was a glorious and wonderful experience to feel that connection with the natural world. Growing up out of view of the adults in a leafy green filled world gave us the ability to learn about whom we were, and whom those around us were. All of us had strengths and weaknesses, and we built a strong bond of understanding between us because of it. The wilderness taught to be resourceful, and how to construct by simple den making, or building a dam to create a swimming pond on the small stream. We learned to navigate using the many paths that wove through the trees, and overcame some of our fears climbing trees and making rope swings. We found isolated spots where we could sit alone and become at ease with ourselves, and as we developed as people, it gave us the confidence to be who we are today.

Like all families we have been through the good and the bad times, we have squabbled and argued and spent time apart, and yet somehow we have always found a way of overcoming our disagreements and meeting again as brothers. I know at this point they will once again think I am being flaky, but I do think that the bond we forged in an all natural environment is why we can find a way back from whatever we may have fallen out about. I think those times of being natural around each other allowed us to show the true sense of who we are to each other, and in doing so, we know we can overcome anything in life, as we did when we worked together out in the wilds on a project as brothers.

Today as I look back on what was one of the happiest times of my life, I think I have started to understand a great deal more about why I became the person I am today. Unlike the children of these modern times, I was not cotton balled by a parent who was afraid to let me out of view for fear of being abducted or hurt. There was no computer technology to lock me in the house and spend my day’s endlessly pressing buttons in hope of killing an animated villain. I learned from nature, and more importantly, I learned how to respond to nature, and it has imprinted on me deeper than I realised, for long after my brothers wandered off with their friends and built their own lives, I continued my association with the trees and fields of my home town, and did finally choose the path of Horticulture, such was my love of all things living.

In many ways I think being given the chance to unlock those instincts, which to be honest date back to the early times of mankind, has changed me on a very deep level. I walk a great deal and take a lot of joy from the simplicity of Nature, more than likely because my knowledge is deeper than a lot of others, who have never had the experiences I had as a child. I certainly know that when I meet with my brothers and we talk, I see the happiness on their faces, and I know that for them the memory is just as deep, but I think for me personally, it is not just the memories of that time that have had such a deep affect on me, it is probably more knowing how it made me feel deep down. When you have drank from a stream, or climbed the tallest tree to feel the wind in your hair, or smelt the deep rich scent of the soil and grass as you bask sweating, lay down in the bright sun, something does awaken inside you, and you feel very different as a result of it. I am sure many of those who read this blog will fully understand what I mean, especially if they were raised during or before the seventies. I think since that time more and more of the green wild spaces have disappeared beneath the buildings of modern man, or been fenced off forever, and sadly less and less children have had the freedom and chance to fully experience it. I do think we pander too much and cotton ball our children, as fear has taken over and added to the endless rules from society of what is and is not acceptable, and as a result I think we are depriving children of something very valuable.

To experience the sort of freedom I had when I was a child, I think opens your mind and enriches your life, I learned so much about myself, the world, and those around me and it prepared me for life. It taught me to question when I was told it was wrong to be natural in my thoughts and feelings, and it gave me the confidence to listen to my instincts and allow them to guide me. Feeling that sense of being free and at one with everything is a powerful feeling, and maybe for those who try to guide the rest of society it is not a good thing, as it does erode control, but I honestly think I am blessed because of it and I want my children to experience it as I did, so that they too know and understand that not everything suggested by society is the right thing for them, they will at least have a choice.

Today I have finally left Horticulture after almost 30 years, and become a writer, and yet the influence of my youth and a life of loving all that grows around me, has seeped through on to the pages of my books, and I think I have reached a point where even I can understand why I have such a deep affinity with the green world, and I can finally answer those questions. Put very simply, if I was a character in Heirs to the kingdom, there is no doubt at all I would be a woodsman.

The sense of being free inside and using nature as my guide has driven me forward for the largest part of my life, there can be no going back, which is probably why I walk out of sync with the rest of the world that surrounds me. I think mankind has lost its way, we have become far too occupied with money and possessions, it is nice to have a little of everything as its adds to life. I think we have now begun a process of hiding behind stone walls protecting what is ours, and we have forgotten to look over the wall at what else is out there. We have as a race become prisoners of our own making, writing the rules of society and its conduct, so much so that we failed to see we have given up something so very important that has always defined us as people, our natural instincts, and that is a path that because of my youth I could never walk, and so for as long as live I think my strange affinity with the natural world will continue to be my guide, and thankfully although we are few, I know I am not alone.

The writers reality.

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It is often very interesting to see what people actually think you do as a writer, compared to what it is actually like to do it. I find it interesting that a great many people take a step back when they discover what it is I do, in most cases they wear a look of surprise, which does then turn to slight admiration, and the nicest thing about it is that they change their approach in the way that they treat me. I must admit it is a very pleasant aspect of what I do, being treated with courtesy and respect is a very nice way to be, and I prefer it to the condescension that I often see others shown. In many ways it is a sign of how false the world can be, as the implication here is that being a writer who has been published, makes one something better than the rest, and with that I do feel very uncomfortable.

The world is preoccupied with celebrity culture, and to be honest the perception is far more glamorous than the reality. Society implies that writers are rolling in money and have no cares at all in the world; they are free to sit around all day and do very little, people just assume that knocking a book out is a part time occupation that pays high dividends for the least amount of effort. The reality really is so far removed from the view that people share, and that is probably the reason why so many who could achieve great things in writing choose not to do so.

Moving away from the admiration shown by strangers and getting into the day to day mechanics is so very different, as those around you do not quite understand what can only be phrased as a form of obsessive compulsion. Half my family and friends, either think I am insane for doing this, and the other half I am sure think I sit around doing nothing enjoying a life of leisure. Being simply published is not a right of passage into wealth, just because your book has been put out there, does not provide any assurance that every bookshop in the land will stock your books, and tell every customer who enters the shop your work is there to be read. Selling books is actually one of the hardest professions I have ever been involved with, and I was always sure that like in my past, I could sell just about anything to anyone, the reality is it is a long and difficult task with fierce competition from the big boys who completely control the industry, doors do not open easily in the literate world, and unlike many professions, this is one field where you really do have to earn your stripes, by constantly pushing forward and not giving an inch to your rivals.

So why do it? I mean let’s face it, most writers with books out there barely earn enough to cover a week’s rent, let alone afford a normal life. It feels at times very much like the life of the poor writer from the times of Dickens has changed very little. The reality can be very off putting, and those who surround us have no understanding at all of why we appear to suffer as we labour at our craft. I think if I was paid one pound for every time I have been told I should get a proper job, I would indeed be far richer, and living to a much a higher standard, but the simple truth is there are few who really do understand why we choose to take the longest road to achieve our goals in life. For those who watch from the wings, they fail to see that the reality of writing goes so much deeper than money or material wealth. In a nutshell the world is far too obsessed with money and material gain to fully comprehend the love and joy of working with words.

Writing for everyone I have found is a deeply personal thing. I have spoken with quite a few other writers in my time, and I find that everyone has a very unique and different reason for what they do. From my own point of view, I love doing it because I like the person it has allowed me to become.

It may sound strange, I realise that, but if I elaborate a little, you will see what I am getting at. I think to be honest I not a terribly bad person, in fact I hope people have taken note of my life and the way I conducted it, for I will say that I have always tried hard to help people if I felt they needed it, but within that has lain a trap, and it is one I walked into many years ago without realising. For many years I ran my own business, and in my spare time I tried very hard to be there for those around me. I was a parent and in a relationship and doing my best to juggle all that was expected of me. It was not the easiest situation as I ran round taking care of business and helping out the family with endless duties related to caring and the building a better life, and everything that goes with it. I still lived at home alone, as my daughter had moved into her own place, and I spent my time in a relationship between two houses. For many years I seemed to be able to juggle it all and everyone was relatively happy, although there was always another task to do, and as soon as I finished one thing, I wasted no time getting involved with another, it was a busy and hectic life, and I think like many other people in the world today, I just assumed that it was appreciated and had meaning to those that I laboured so hard to help

Life ticked on, I was not wealthy, but I had a few pounds tucked away and enjoyed my annual holiday and a few small luxuries in life. Looking back today I was pretty much your average guy living the same sort of life as most other men in the world, but I found over time I was spending less and less time at home. My days were long, and I rose with the sun to go to work, which was quite manual and hard, and then after work I would spend my evening running around until late, and finally arrived home in the darkness and collapsed into bed, only to rise with the sun and begin it all again. It was very rare to spend a great deal of time at home, although on the few occasions I did, they felt like precious and special times.

After twelve years of this I clashed with the local authority and ended up in a fight to save my premises and business, fighting a fight I could not possibly win. It was a long drawn out, stressful and exhausting time, which resulted in the end of a relationship and the loss of all my savings. I finally won a small victory after two years of living hell, and returned home tired exhausted and very ill, and very much alone. That was at Christmas 2007, which is without doubt the worst one of my life; I was at braking point and felt very much like there was nothing in life worth continuing for. It was the darkest moment of my life, talk about landing with a bump! It is a sobering moment when you realise nothing you have done has meaning, and even though you have given everything, it was never appreciated. I had lost touch with my whole life, I had no idea where my friends were, I forgotten who the hell I was, and suddenly understood that I had sacrificed everything and every part of who I was in the hope of being the person everyone expected me to be. Talk about deep empty loneliness, it really was the bleakest time I have ever lived.

There comes a time in everyone’s life where you sit and look back and take stock of your life, well that was mine, and it was a very unpleasant experience. I tried to work out who the hell I was, and just what exactly I wanted out of life, nothing seemed to have meaning, even thirty years of working in Horticulture, which had always been my biggest passion laid dead before me, I struggled to think of one thing I had left that had the remotest glint of happiness attached to it.

The moment it hit me was like a bolt of lightening flashing through my mind, the one thing that I had always enjoyed was writing. Writing for me had been a way to channel the creative bursts that flowed through me from childhood. It was an unexplained phenomenon that had been the most consistent aspect of being me, something I was secretive and guarded about all my life. I guess I have a very insecure streak and so even though it had been something I loved, I had never actually shared it with that many people up until recently that was.

A year earlier when I had split up from my then long term girlfriend, I found myself alone at home, and used a little of that time writing to try and relax and distress. I had shared one story with a very small and trusted circle of friends who I worked with. To be honest I did it because all of us were caught in the same fight with the local authority and we needed a slight break from the endless stress and worry. But funnily enough, even through such a time of darkness and destruction it had brought a new life to the bleak life we ere enduring, and had served to help me unwind and relax a little whilst away from the shop. Writing down stories had been a long time hobby, I was never serious and honestly thought people would laugh at me if they found out, but as I looked back I remembered some of the things I had written, and how happy and contented I had been at those times. It did not take long to work out that I was too ill to go back to work, and needed a little time to get myself sorted out, and so I decided to take a few months to rest up and use the time to finish the story I had been working on for years. That was five years ago and I am still to this day writing with three tales from that story published and available for purchase.

To return back to my point a little earlier, why do I do it? I think it has become more than apparent. Becoming a writer may have surprised a lot of people; there are those who think I am insane so late in life to change my career. There are those who simply think I have lost it completely, and think now I have done it for a bit I should stop and get a real job. I simply will reply that I have given everything for years at great sacrifice to myself, and it ended up meaning nothing at all, and so I sit here alone at my desk and I do something that fills me with life, and gives me great joy. It makes me feel happy and contented, and for the first time in years, I actually feel like I am doing something that has meaning. I feel for the first time since I was a teenager that I truly understand who I am deep down inside, as the writing has given me the time to explore myself as I examine the world around me, and I have grown to like the person I know as me.

I have no idea if I am a good writer; I just know I feel good about doing it; I have sold books, so ask those who have read them what they think. Will my books continue to sell? Yes I think they will, I will not say you will see them on any best sellers list soon, but does that really matter? I think not. Writing cannot be about personal material gain; it can only be about those secret moments a writer has alone, where the magic creates something so wonderful it must be shared, and that is the reward of the creativity. My payment is being able to live my life on my own terms, probably for the first time ever, and all that came before is not as wasted as I thought, but it has become a rich mix of experience to serve my creativity in future stories.

I wake up each day with a mind racing to go, as ideas swirl endlessly around, I often get caught day dreaming, as I slip away from a conversation as something sparks inside and new ideas flow to the surface. I find my fingers twitching for want of a keyboard, and I know that something else that is very unique and special is about to come up and flow out of me. Life is suddenly exciting and wonderful, and filled with the thousands of emotions that I can lock onto paper, as I hear the rattle of the keys and excitedly pound them like a child waiting to find out what his present will be as he tears off the gift wrap. I write and research, or I spend my days trying to promote and spread awareness of what I have done, It is a longer day than I have ever worked, but somehow it feels so much more rewarding than anything I have ever done. That is my reality, and for me that is the pulse of life, I contain a deep passionate obsession that flows from my head and my heart into my fingers, and it beats in tune with the person I am today.

My writing has allowed me a chance to unload and release a lot of what was trapped within me, it is hard to explain the process, because at times even I get surprised at what ends up on the pages. All I can say is it is a part of my newly discovered personal happiness, and finally after some long years of wandering, I feel I am no longer lost. I feel that I am a very lucky man today, as I have a very supportive wife, who does indeed understand a great deal of why I write. She has been the one who has helped me and supported me in my writing, and even though life can be a struggle at times, I think she sees how much of difference it has made, and how happy I am to have her there at my side.

I write for the joy it brings, hopefully as a published story I can share it with others, and in some way they too will feel the joy of the process of writing as they read it. At the end of the day if people like it enough to encourage another to read it, then I am happy with that. I doubt you will ever see my books in the top 100, but for me personally that is not what writing should be about.

 

The real price of something for nothing.

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There is quite the debate going on at the moment about the price of digital books, and the question is being asked why it is that they are being offered for such a low amount of money. I have heard all the arguments, the most quoted being that the consumer has grown use to low prices, and therefore demand cheaper books, and also that it is a cheaper route to publication, and so therefore should be cheaper, but somehow I feel sat here isolated from the rest of the world at my writing desk, that out of all the arguments within the debate, the one thing that appears to be lacking is the point of view of the Authors.

I cannot really speak for other author’s as I have only my own experience of writing, but I can say that for myself it is a very worrying trend and I do feel concerned about the way the larger global companies discount books and offer them at such low prices, often below the price they have paid themselves. Discounting is and has always been a large part of the printed book selling industry, but recent trends in the movement to digital has seen a sharp fall in the sales of printed books, and as more and more people switch over to one of the many digital devices, I fear my time as an author may be coming to an abrupt end, because with digital books selling at lower and lower prices, I find it hard to see how I will earn enough revenue to actually stay afloat.

I have just finished writing the latest in the series of books I have been working on since 2006, (Heirs to the Kingdom) and currently have three of the series out and the fourth is ready for publication. Obviously because this is a detailed series and I had been writing long before I got the first published in 2009, I am at an advanced stage in the writing process, and as you can see I am six years into it. I work every day of the week on the books, and due to the plot and the many layers within the books, I have a constant run of threads weaving through the series that have to be picked up and woven into them. The latest book in the series has taken me just over a year at 14 months to research and write, it has been a long drawn out process checking every step of the way that I have not missed out vital key issues from the previous books, and has also involved a great deal of research and fact finding missions, to ensure that the book comes across as being realistic, even though it is a work of fiction.

The research for the books can consist of Internet searches, book purchasing and reading up, or visiting locations that allow me to take photographs to aid in the process of writing accurately. All of this has a cost that is borne out by myself, I am like so many other writers out there working hard to establish myself in the world of fiction and trying to build a reputation for myself. I have used a self publishing company to get the books out, which not only has a cost for production, it also means I have to fund the costs of promotion, which has many related extra costs. I pay for the web site to remain up and running, and I also have to pay many of the various sites that feature my books, I try wherever possible to use as much free publicity as I can, but that is a shrinking market and so more often than not, a new site to help me promote comes at a cost.

I have spent six years writing almost full time, earning extra income selling jewellery which my wife makes, and purchasing my own books at wholesale to sell at events, its a low income way of living, but with some clever budgeting we survive as a family and push forward.  When I first decided to publish this series, I sat for a great deal of time with my wife, and we looked at our prospects, having researched the subject in full, it was never going to be easy, but we have managed and have taken the long term view of slowly building up the reputation and taking it one sale at a time. To date we have invested quite a sum of capital into this project, its pretty much almost everything we had, and we have after three years of hard work, recovered around 5% of what we have spent, it is indeed a very long term investment.

This article is not a complaint, its an honest appraisal of what myself and others have done, for I know that in this I am not alone. I love writing, it has taken me a very long time to pluck up the courage to put my work into print, and now that I have, I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been, as I have finally found something that I love and adore as a working lifestyle. I do not mind that its taken the last 14 months to put together the latest episode of my series, I have no qualms at all knowing I will now move forward to check the book over and over to ensure it is to the highest possible standard before it goes of to be proof read, a process that will take possibly another six months of constant scrutiny, because at the end of the day I know that there is growing readership of people who will read my words and gain a great deal of enjoyment from them, but I have to ask one very important question.

Why is it when it comes to the world of books and writing, that my efforts have so little value?

My books are not in a digital format yet, and even though this is going to be the future of books, you must agree that to sell what will finally reach 20 months of work for less than the price of a birthday card is somewhat insulting?

I know of no other industry where a man’s life and work have such little value, and yet that is what the digital readers demand, which in my case is a detailed book of over 200 thousand words for less than £4. The mad thing is that is not even my share, as profits have to go to the distributor etc… I think it works out about the total value of a cheap cup of poor coffee per copy sold. I must have drunk over a million whist sat here writing the thing. I suppose the question is… If I offer you a job and pay you the same, would you consider it for more than a millisecond? Of course you wouldn’t, who would?

Publishing is one of very few industries that exploits its most valued asset, the creative source, and no matter what happens in the future that will remain unchanged. All writers know that the odds of making a living that can sustain life are very slender indeed. There are a few very lucky writers who hit at the right moment and they are the 3% that make it as a full time writer reaping the rewards of their labour, the rest of us keep going in hope that one day someone out there will read our work and hopefully recommend it to their friends, which at the end of the day is how books become known, its no different to acting or dancing, all of us are waiting for that all important break, and some of us will never get it, but we live in the slim hope we may if we persevere. We love what we do, and we are happy doing it, but do not insult us beyond that, have the decency to understand how much time and effort goes into the process, and offer us a fair price for it. Digital may appear a cheaper option, but the costs are not really that much different from print for an author, it should be a cheaper version I agree, but lets keep the price a little fairer. It matters not how you read a book, whether its print or digital it has value, because for the reader it an experience that provides joy and excitement, and for the author it is often more than a year of their life.

Hopefully this will shed a little light which I feel enlightens the view, I shall remain a writer no matter what happens, and I shall see where that takes me, one thing I do know is that its going to be an interesting journey.

 

An Age Apart.

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Airmen who served and lost their lives at the start of World War two.There are many days where my feelings about my story of Heirs to the Kingdom clash with what is happening in the modern world, and today is very much one of them. Today in Green Park the Queen unveiled the memorial dedicated to those who lost their lives in the many bombing raids of World War two. Personally I think it has been a long time coming, but finally there is a place in this land where honour and respect can be paid to those who served and gave their lives for a principle we all take very much for granted, our freedom. What I actually think adds a greater touch of respect for these often very young and brave men, is the fact that this memorial also carries an inscription that honours those who lost their lives flying for Germany, for although at the time they may have been seen as an enemy, like our brave airmen, they too gave their lives in the name of their own people.

Those who know me, will know I am indeed very opposed to war, I see it as a waste of life, not only on the part of the soldiers who fight, but also those who get caught in the middle and suffer as civilians. I believe strongly that all life is precious and should be preserved, but I also understand that at times the race of man can be blighted with madness, and those few who crave power will stop at nothing to get what they desire, and at those times in the past it has lead to war, as even today madmen around the world are ruling in a reign of terror driven by greed and the lust for power that had lead to conflict and weapons.

Looking at the world back then, and making the comparison with today, you see the stark difference between then and now. Let me elaborate slightly, looking at those men of Bomber Command from the 1940’s, you are acutely aware of their age, for most of them were under 25, in most cases they were just 21, hardly the age you would feel was right to put your life on the line. These very young men felt honour bound to step up to the plate and serve their country, never forget that most of these young men actually volunteered to serve in the air force. They did not join in peace time and then get caught up in the war, they actually sat and thought about it, then made the very brave and bold move to enlist, because they felt it was their duty to do so. All of them believed that what they were doing was right, and they did it to play their role and try to save the pain and suffering of the people of their nation, it is a massive undertaking from one so young, who has not even began to live their life. Just ponder that for a moment, for it is something I feel many have forgotten, and it is massively important that it is understood in the right context.

They gave their lives willingly to protect everyone in this nation, even with my anti war stance, I cannot help but admire and respect such an act of courage.

Something else has happened today that has made me think about the way in which I portray certain elements of my story Heirs to the Kingdom. Today the news is filled with Barclays Bank, and how at a time when the government of this country was using taxpayers money to bail them out for mismanagement, they fixed interest rates in their favour across the banking network, to rip off thier customers and gain massive profits at the same time. Somehow these men who are actually older and wiser, chose to fiddle the system for personal gain and profit. Somewhere in the midst of all of it there are a few young men who had the benefit of not going to war to die, and they chose to go to university and train to enter the banking world, where they dreamed of making money at the expense of everyone else. Today, at a time when the whole of the country is on its knees and suffering because of the many mistakes and bad deals made via the banks, they chose to push harder and gamble on a high stakes game of money, so that they would fill their own pockets and not suffer the pain they have caused. Just take a few moments and think about it, just think of the selfish and greedy state of mind they must live in to actually chance yet greater risks to a bank system already on its knees, so that they alone would be free of any kind of suffering whatsoever.

It kinda makes you feel sick to the stomach doesn’t it?

I write fiction fantasy stories, and yet in my mind there is no greater example of the difference between those of the Woodland Realm, who fight to protect those who cannot fight for themselves, and those of the Empire of Mason Knox, who are driven by greed, power and a selfish obsession to benefit themselves.

Comparing the two it also marks a huge shift in the way the modern society is moving and has indeed moved over the last fifty years. Since World War Two we have entered into what I see as the age of technology, because in the rebuilding of this country we have researched a great deal and have indeed turned the corner, on bringing modern devices to the masses to be sold at huge profits. The ordinary people have sold into the lie that they cannot live without the endless lines of goods sold to them, and using the latest research in psychology to help gain the advantage and brainwash us into believing we need this endless line of new modern products, capitalism has taken hold and changed the world and the people forever. I am convinced that my age of modern man is here, and looking at how we treat each other and the world around us, I suddenly feel that what I considered fiction at the time of writing makes me feel a little uncomfortable looking at the world of today.

People have changed, it is woven through society with fine strings of greed, but one can only ask will it ever change or end? I have one theory on its ending, I wrote it into my story, but there is a large part of me that thinks the world will continue as the divide between those who have, and the have-nots grows wider. Maybe at some future point the divide will become so great that their will be some deciding action, I cannot really say, environmentally I think the signs are there that stronger forces are at work, and that poses the question of whether or not man as he is today could deal with a massive natural disaster. Somehow I think not, the stark difference between those who fought the war and those who run our country today feels very much like they are at complete opposites, I may be wrong, and would hope in many ways I am, but just to be sure, and if I had the power to do so, I think I would much rather turn back the clock and live amongst men like those who paid the ultimate price for the country and people they loved.

 

A sad reminder of my dissapearing world.

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Working in horticulture for most of my life, I have always felt that because I worked so close with plants, and within the plant kingdom, in a way it made me a guardian of that world. I strongly believe, as do many of my colleagues in the industry that it is our responsibility to do everything we can to support and protect the green world, especially in this modern age of destruction

Yesterday, I paid a visit back to my horticultural past and visited the large garden centre I worked at for the first time in 13 years. It’s a place I feel is a very large part of me and it played such a big role in my life through my 20’s and 30’s.

I must admit I loved the place, and I think it’s for that reason I spent such a long period working there, it certainly holds a very large place in my heart, and one of the reasons I think it’s been such a long time since I have been there, is due to the fact that leaving it was very difficult for me, it is indeed a very special and precious part of my life.

To get the full picture, I should say that it was a small place when I first went there, set at the bottom of a deep valley, in a very beautiful rural setting, it was edged on two sides by a river and the car park broke past the boundaries into a wide open landscape of wild flower meadows of outstanding beauty. I remember well arriving very early in the mornings and listening to the birds all over the place singing, you really could not have asked for a more wonderful welcome to your working day. I always thought that set in the centre of what is a country park, It was the perfect complement and a tribute to the surrounding area.

The centre itself was like a colourful jewel set against the backdrop of lush green from the meadows and the trees, as most of the garden centre was planted like a huge private garden, for any gardener it really was a very magical place, for myself with my ever growing love of the plant kingdom it was paradise, and a place where my own learning took a huge learning curve, as I was given the space to grow anything and everything and work it into the lavishly landscaped surroundings. I loved the place with all my heart and I loved being there, much to the annoyance of my partner at the time, as it was rare I worked less than seventy hours in a week.

I have and always will be deeply proud to be known as a horticulturalist, pride in my work to me is without doubt one of the most important qualities of who I am, and over the years I worked there, I stamped my mark well and truly all over the place, working with some of the most professional colleagues that I have ever had the privilege to work with. We were one of the best working teams in the country priding ourselves on creating the most awe inspiring displays of planted flower beds, which were accompanied by wide paving that had row upon row of the potted plants from each bed available for the customers at the highest quality. I have never been in another place that has beat us at making the garden in Garden centre really carry its truest meaning, it’s what set us apart from the mass designer rows of concrete and craft filled shops and DIY outlets at that time. I loved the fact that when the customers came in, we presented them with a completely different model of how the business should be presented, and because our setup was so unique, it did attract a lot of customers, in my time alone the customer base rose tenfold from when I first started there.

Change for change sake is not a good thing; it is my biggest argument with the world as I age. I deeply believe being unique and original is what makes the world such a wonderful place to live in, it has defined our past as those who chose not to follow the crowd made sweeping advances in every walk of our history, and it does appear to me that as we progress in the future of what is our time of modern man, we are starting to become more and more like clones of each other in the way we build the world. I have always shied away from the current trends, I see the world with truly inspirational leaders who are rare, who are followed by those who want to be like them, I think that is quite an accurate portrayal of many, and a great deal of my love of nature is precisely because even though it replicates itself, no two places are ever the same, it is the greatest wonder of the natural world.

Yesterday as I walked through the place that was once the most inspiring jewel of my working life, I think my heart broke a little. What was once a lavish, colourful and magical tribute to nature and the plant kingdom, is now a concrete replica of any other garden centre anywhere else in this country. It has become a clone like all the other followers of the trend and as the manager told me. “You cannot stop progress Rob.” I question very much whether what I saw was indeed progress?

The magnificent mature Cedar’s and weeping Larch are no more, the flowering cherries that grew at over two feet at the base and towered in the air like giant candy floss, shedding their blossom in every shade of pink and white in a gentle rain on me as I worked, have been bulldozed away, and there is exactly one 6×6 foot flower bed. Nothing is grown on site, and everything is bought in adding to the same bland choice of plants dictated by the growers in Holland, it truly was heart wrenching to see something so uniquely beautiful destroyed with such a massive lack of respect, and for what reason?

It is the age old reason of man, Money. Am I only one who does not understand why we must worship money so much? I am realistic, I know in these modern days we all need it to live, but must we be so careless and destructive to acquire it. I feel today like one of the most important times in my life has been completely erased for nothing more than if it looks big people will come and spend money, and the foolish thing I felt walking round, was how on such a gloriously hot sunny day in May how quiet the place was. Back in my day the staff on days like that would have been working full tilt to keep everything stocked up, and the place would have been buzzing with gardeners who were delighted at the row upon row of differing varieties of high quality plants. I very much doubt there was one quarter of what was once stocked there yesterday.

It’s so sad, and yet another reminder of the arrogance and greed of Mason Knox, and I always thought I was writing fantasy…. I wonder now if I am.

 

(Out of respect I have not included pictures or the name of the centre)

 

 

Life, Horticulture and Writing

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I often get asked about my life in horticulture, and in many cases I am asked why I decided to give it up and become a writer. It surprises people when I tell them, I have not given it up, I just chose to leave the path of commercial plant life, and walk a more solitary one.

I really could not imagine a time in my life, where the life of plants did not hold a fascination and interest for me, as they have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. For me, the green world is so much more than just the sprouting of the green things that surround us in our daily routine, it is a world that is diverse and complex and offers as much variety and wonder, as the world of people we all know, where everything living takes on a life of its own, and gives you as much joy to behold, as any long time friend or interesting stranger you could meet.

I guess that within the world surrounded by plants that has been my every day for over thirty years, I have learned so much from my careful studies, and have come to the conclusion that a life spent interacting with plants, has in many ways taught me the true value of who I am, and also how to be around other people.

The Japanese have a wonderfully unique approach to growing plants, and whether it is the training of a Bonsai tree, or the growing of prized rhododendron, they apply great thought and study to every aspect of the plant they are working on. It is a process that helps to focus the mind and makes you think not just about the plant in front of you, but you contemplate its place in the world and its relation to everything else. In doing so, you contemplate your own life, the process of growing and training therefore becomes a partnership of your will in how you feel the plant should develop, and the will of the plant, which naturally wants to grow to its own scheme of things. The result of perfection, is usually a perfect balance of both wills, and the creation of something completely unique created through the compromise of both parties.

It does not really matter whether you are training a Bonsai, of just trying to keep your flower beds looking neat and orderly, the fact is that during the process you slip into some form of contemplation, which relaxes the mind and creates an effect of inner peace and calmness. There is an old saying, “the most stress free people on the earth, are those on their knees working in it.” And that is something I do truly understand and believe having spent a huge slice of my life lost in deep thought as I tend the plants I have grown for pleasure, or profit.

Gardening and plant work is very therapeutic, but I also find writing serves a very similar process. When I write and drift into thought, I am obviously using a lot of that time to contemplate the story, the characters, and their relationship to everything surrounding them. So as with the plants, I reach that point where parts of me blend with the story, and what comes out is a unique balance created via the process, which has much of what I had intended to write, but also quite a lot of unintentional spur of the moment creativity.

I have gained great understanding of myself over the years, and like the trees and flowers I love so dearly, I am indeed very complex, I too understand my strengths and weakness, and how to live and grow around other weeds and plants of greater strength and beauty than myself. I have found my place in the flower bed beside my fragrant flower, and through my writing of the characters in my stories, I have searched inside and identified what has become important to me, and what my dreams for happiness truly contain.

I find it no coincidence that plants are grouped into families or a species of similar types, for like all living things, they thrive at their best around others that are likened to themselves, and grow to their finest when surrounded by young and old of many varieties. I think my stories emphasize the importance I place on true friends or loved ones and the family that supports us, and in my time I have come to understand the life of the natural world better. It has taught me much about myself and the life I need to live, and it has shown me who is important and which weeds need to be removed for the sake of all the others in the flower bed.

My greatest inspiration are trees, especially the Oak, it stands firm and upright and faces the world head on no matter what is thrown at it. In moments of great stress it bends where it needs to in order to weather the storm, and then returns to normal and continues its growth throughout its long life. I love the fact that it never saves up its acorns to barter with the squirrel for gain or kudos; they truly are free in the world, a lesson I hope the human race one day learns.

The natural wilds of our world are considered to be truly free, and places where we too can release our pressures and be at one, and although I do completely agree and would encourage everyone to seek out the natural wonder of the wilds and roam free within them, I also think that like the flower in the border surrounded by those that enhance its growth and beauty, we too should understand that true freedom comes from within, and has little to do with where we are, for it is in the recognition of our close surroundings, that we find what is most important, and it is having the wisdom to recognise it and grow closer to it that brings the fulfilment of our spirit and life.

I love writing, it gives me great joy, and hopefully I will be able to continue for a long time to come, but I will never give up horticulture, for over the years I have learned so much about life, and somehow I think I have many more years of deep thoughtful lessons to come. Maybe even then I will not have learned it all, so go out into the world and breathe the air, take a good look round, and spare a moment to look at and appreciate what your world is being shared with, for we are not alone, and although that big green leafy thing may appear to do very little, just watch it for a while, and with a little patience, you may just be surprised at what you see and learn.

 

Family this Christmas.

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This time of year raises many thoughts about who we are and what our place in the world is, it is also a time where those who hold the faith of Christianity give thanks for the birth of the son of their God, and also to many in this world, it is a time of capital gains at the end of a long year of hard work. I find the lines blur as Christmas becomes a complicated affair of balancing what we earn with what we give, and who we decide to indulge as a member of our circle of family and friends, and it does appear that at some point in the madness that has become Christmas in the modern age, we do appear to loose sight of what it truly means, and so I thought it would be nice to share my thoughts on this festive event.

I have spent my entire life working with plants, so what is seen as the ‘Old Ways of the Woodsman’ is very relevant to my life and to who I have become, so for myself this time of year has traditionally been a time for reflection, as the plant world sleeps below the frosts and the snow through the darkness of short days, and awaits the arrival of the sun in the coming spring. At this time of year I reap the reward of the seeds and harvests which have been safely stored, and I take a very well earned time of rest with my family, as I begin to plan the new coming of the next year.

Like all other members of the Earth Faiths, I surround myself with the life I tend in my daily routine, and so the dressing of a tree is very significant, as it represents that life of my world sleeping through the Winter as I enjoy the feasting surrounded with those I work so hard to provide for.

I think it matters not what your faith is at this time of year, because if you look to all religions, no matter how diverse, they do
indeed share one similar bond, and that is that we all unite and give thanks for what we have done, and what is important to us at this time of year, and take that small moment to voice our thoughts and share it with those who are like minded.

Something that has been highlighted to me very deeply this year is the importance of family and friends, and what each individual member represents to me. It has been a very hard and difficult year for myself, and many of those who surround me, I am not sure that I know anyone who has not struggled and worried all year, the economic situation around the whole world is taking its toll, and as I write this on the Eve of Christmas, I know so many who have a great deal less than they would normally have, but I cannot help but ponder if it really does matter what material things surround us tonight, as long as we have our health and each other.

In the Heirs to the Kingdom, I do place a lot of importance on the true meaning of family, for myself this is deeply significant, because it has not always been the easiest of situations for me, as my parents separated when I was very young, and so I have always been caught between the two, and to be very honest it has been very turbulent for me at times. I lost my father at the age of four, and did not see him again until I was in my mid thirties, which had a very profound affect on me, my relationship with mother has always been turbulent, and for a long time I lived my life away from all of my family feeling I had nothing in common with them, and was better off without them. So it feels more important to me tonight, as I have worked very hard to forge new links and find peace with all my family in the past ten years.

This Christmas I will be surrounded like my characters in my books, with my family and also the family of my new wife, as this year we took the plunge and vowed our commitment to each other. Its not been the best year for book sales, like those who read many books, I too have cut my spending to make things such as fuel bills and food a priority to get my family through
safely, but too be honest it is not that important, because what I find matters to me tonight is that my family for now are safe and I have come through another year with them unharmed.

I have my mother, who although aging will join me tomorrow for a day with her grandchildren, I am at peace with all my brothers, who have had a struggle at times this year, but I can embrace them and be glad to know they are safe, and I will visit my father and my lovely step mother who have become very precious and special to me, and most importantly I have my wife and my children to share all of it at my side.

Despite all the past conflicts and fallings out that I have seen within my family, tonight they feel very precious and more important than ever before, and I think in the past I have lacked the wisdom to fully understand their significance in my life and I am grateful to finally have that understanding.

I suppose in conclusion what I am saying is forget the importance of the material, and embrace what is there and always has been, lets be honest, family can drive you to the point of murder, but no matter how dysfunctional they might at first appear, they are the one thing you have now, and love or hate them, they are important, whether you realise it or not.

May your celebrations be safe and peaceful, enjoy this time….