One of the delights of writing the Curio Chronicles, was that for myself, I finally got to write about something very close to my heart. It is no secret I have worked as a counsellor for many years, and for most of that time, there have been a couple of subjects that have been predominately the theme of those I worked with. I started out my counselling working with young people aged under sixteen, and then with more training, I moved into sexual dysfunction and relationships, which took me into the broader world of older teens and older generations.
The two most important points that came up time after time, were that of bullying and the lack of understanding between differing generations. I cannot count the number of times, I have heard, ‘they don’t understand, they never do’ or, ‘they are completely out of touch with how it really is.’ The crazy thing was, it was not just teenagers telling me that, forty year olds also said that about their neighbours or parents.
The more I worked, the more I could see how a large number of people were moving away from an attitude of live and let live, and acceptance of others. The world appeared to me to be becoming more and more divided, as I noted a lack of understanding drove a wedge between every generation, to the point I may add, that today, I feel that as a race of living beings sharing a planet, we are more divided than ever.
With each generation the divide gets wider and wider, as traditional views, clash with new more modern ideals. In many ways, I can understand this, it has always happened, but I feel the gap is widening as the older generations look to the young. I understand that for someone born in the 1940’s the world was a very different place compared to today’s liberated and more open attitudes. Back then, morality and respect were enforced, sex was not spoken about, and neither was abuse, especially marital, there was a view that some things should remain unspoken, and swept under the carpet, and hidden from sight. Compared to my liberal youth growing up around the culture of bikers and hippies, those of the older generation appeared oppressive and controlling, and my generation fought against that, we wanted a more open and accepting world for the age of the1970’s and beyond.
The introduction of the contraceptive pill in 1964, changed the world as it gave women the freedom and liberation of a choice to control their own lives, and it started a cultural revolution, which for my generation, unlike say, my father’s, sex became much more widely available, and spoken about. We all went a little wild, and we all certainly had a lot of fun, and yet by today’s hook up culture and standards, it was actually quite mild and conservative. The biggest draw back of my generation, was even though it was more open, it increased an old attitude and new language, and that was I feel, the first really huge divide of generations, and the start of the culture of shaming people for their sex lives, especially women.
I hate the word ‘Slag’ it was freely used in my youth, and is still a word I react to with verbal aggression these days. I find the word vile and disgusting, and since that time, many variations of it have appeared, to shame and ridicule women for doing what everyone enjoys. It has always angered me, that in order for a woman to be sexual, in most cases there is a male involved, and yet through my youth those men were idolised and regarded with praise for their ability to have sex with many women, and yet the women were seen as trash, a whore, and a tramp. It was wrong then, and is still wrong now, and as Birch points out in Abigail’s Summer.
“So Hatty is a transient?” I shook my head.
“Nope, she is the Village Harlot.” Birch leaned off the glass, and walked over as the kettle clicked off.
“That is a bit mean, she is an artist, I have never met one yet that is not free spirited, and as for Harlot, I hate the way the world says women cannot be sexual or enjoy sex. I have watched my mum smash that myth to pieces for years, and it still won’t die. Wow this place really is like stepping back in time.”
She is referring to the attitude of Marjorie and her cronies, and the influence they have had on Felicity. It is Marjorie, who labelled Hatty a Harlot for her sexual behaviour, and it is at that point that I address the obvious, which is, Marjorie has no real proof of Hatty’s sexual behaviour, it is all speculation.
The simple truth is, Hatty had an affair with the brother of Edwin many years ago, and word got out, nobody addresses the fact of her state of mind at the time. In truth as later comes out in the book, her mother had died, who she was very close to, as she lived with her. Hatty was heartbroken, alone, and had little comfort in her life, and through a chance meeting, she met Jeremy, who we see in Abby’s reaction later in the book, was a player who used women. Abby is of the mind that Jeremy took advantage of Hatty, and she is correct, which comes out when he zones in on Birch in Abby’s garden, after they return from the care home.
“Abigail darling so nice to see you.”
“Cut the crap Uncle Jerry, she is off limits.” He rolled his eyes.
“Really Abigail, I was just being polite.” Birch looked at him.
“No, you were hitting on me, but I am aware you are married, and I was seeing just how far you would go. I am sorry Jerry, but in this case, your reputation arrived long before you did.” He looked offended.
“I see I have no secrets here.” I agreed.
“Not in this house, I was there, remember? You know, when you took advantage of Hatty, and then used her to piss my dad off, and get her banned from here, so you could keep shagging her behind your wife’s back?”
This is a wonderful example of how the generation divide is growing, Marjorie sits in judgement of Hatty, and also attacks Abby and Birch. Marjorie’s view point is based on one incident, a mistake, a moment of bad decision on Hatty’s part, and for that, Hatty suffers the price of never being able to forget it and move on with her life after she ends the affair. Hatty’s moment to seek comfort in her grief, becomes Jeremy’s opportunity to bed a good looking women, and yet, no one attacks Jeremy, Hatty bears the brunt of it all and is shamed for life. Edwin even defends his brother, by refusing to accept he was responsible, and blames Hatty, and bans her from the house.
He glared at her with hate.
“God you are irritating, don’t you have a man to bed?” Her face was dead pan.
“No, he is giving his sermon at St Marks in Oxendale about now.” Even Felicity gasped.
“That is uncalled for Hatty, Edwin’s brother is past history, you should leave it where it lies.” She shrugged.
“Yeah, it was in my bed for two years and not his wife’s. I would say he was more of a man of the sheets than a man of the cloth, wouldn’t you Edwin?” His face was purple.
“If you were a man, I would hit you.” She smiled and wagged her finger at him.
“Now, Now, Edwin, don’t let my sex put you off, we have equal rights, but best not show all these good church going folk, your true colours. I have no idea what they would say?” It was simply too much for him to tolerate.
“I am going to the Hunters, I will stand her no longer Felicity, you bloody well deal with her.”
Edwin is unable to confront the truth, and so has decided to believe Marjorie, and it was all Hatty’s fault, it is a perfect example of the cognitive dissonance of the village, and I may add society today. One mistake can last an age, as we see in Curio’s Summer, when Birch reaches her limit and breaks down sat in Petal outside the house, and askes Hatty the obvious question.
She sniffled and sat back and took a deep breath.
“I thought I was strong, but she is hurting all of us, and I hate seeing them like that. How do you stay so strong Hatty, she has been at you for years?” Hatty sat back in the passenger seat and smiled.
“I face the bitch, I am disrespectful, and then I go home lock the doors, and have a dammed good cry.” Birch turned and sniffled.
“You cry, what, you mean all these years, you have gone home and broke down?” She gave a nod.
“Birch don’t do it on a lane where people can see it, and then tell her. Do it alone where no one will see it, that way she never knows she is winning.”
It is an important moment in the book, as suddenly the reality of all the shaming she has endured is seen it the cold light of day. Hatty has endured a living hell, her life has been ruined, for no other reason than Marjorie has no understanding of the circumstances, and so attacks and shames, and labels her without any consideration of the facts. In Marjorie’s mind it is simple, Hatty is at fault, it was all her doing, and Jeremy is erased from everything and left to walk free of all repercussions. Once again, the male is irrelevant, it is all the woman’s fault. I really feel it is a narrative that needs to change.
Shaming is not just about sex though, is it? Abby voices her thoughts perfectly in Curio’s Summer.
‘The Curio’s wanted to live in peace, and be a part of this place, why had no one ever understood that? I had dyed my hair and it started a five year war, and if it came to an end, I would not complain.’
Our society has grown to find fault through a lack of understanding for many issues, and it has been my aim throughout all of the Curio Chronicles to highlight this, using Wotton to mirror all of society. Lack of understanding leads to misrepresentation of the facts, and all it takes is for one person to make a comment, and others will embrace it and continue it, and I feel it has become a major problem with life today. I have used a lot of humour to highlight this within the series of books, but within it all is a very serious point, none more poignant, than in the speech Roni gives at the Summer Fete in Abigail’s Summer.
She slipped off the table and walked to the front of the stage.
“The one lesson I have learned in my practice, probably more than anything else, is this.” She turned and pointed to the large screen, and as she said the words, they appeared on the screen. “Grownups…. Bully…Too.” I gasped when I saw it.
I remember the reaction of my wife when she first read that chapter, it took her breath away. Like Abby and Birch, she had suffered under the scrutiny of adults and been shammed for it. Reading it on the page, for her, it was almost as if it was the first time she had ever encountered someone else, who was strong enough to simply state it. It had a profound effect on her, and since then, I have heard her say it to others in conversations. It fascinates me, and feels almost as if finally, she has permission to say it. Roni goes on to make what is probably the most valid point of the book, and like the experience my wife had, Abby is blown away by it.
“When we say the word bully, just about everyone thinks of school, that is just where it starts, and trust me, it is not a thing for young children alone, and it has been around for a very long time. I think is it one of the biggest fundamental problems of life today.”
She stood still for second, and looked round at everyone in the room, I could feel the tension in the air, and felt goosebumps on my arms. I mean holy shit, she was there in front of all of them, and calling them out for their own behaviour, I gave a slight gasp.
“Oh my god, she is brave.”
I ask the question, is she brave? Does it need to be said? I actually think it does, which is why in 2020, when I finally made the decision to stop counselling after twenty five years, I made the choice to sit down and write something that reflected a large part of my life, and I wrote about everything I had learned in my time, sat alone with a person who was a victim of one of the many different forms of bullying and shame. They often say write from a point of view of knowledge, and this is a subject I have studied for a very long time, and as can been seen in the Curio Chronicles, I take two very important aspects of my life, and hand one to Abby, and one to Birch. In doing so, I have two aspects of myself within the characters, a writer, and a therapist, which I feel, allowed me the insight to create two very loveable characters to enact my thoughts and feelings together.
It is well documented that I prefer to live a very quiet and private life, and although there is an element of me in every character I have written through Heirs to the Kingdom, or Rise of the Raven, the Curio Chronicles holds far more of the person I am than any other story I have written. Okay, so remember, these books are the experiences of others, blended with my own life experiences, and contrary to popular opinion, there are even a few things within these stories that are a bridge too far for me in my own life. There are issues within these stories that clashed with my own beliefs, but as a counsellor, I had to struggle to gain full understanding of the situations. In many ways, I am glad I was able to do it, which again brings me back to my first point. It is the lack of understanding that drives a lot of shaming in this world, especially around issues of sex and kinks, and how the young have embraced it more than any previous generation, including my own.
I understand victimisation, I understand being shamed by family, and by others. I know what it feels like to have deep feelings about an issue, and be dismissed as irrelevant and stupid by those close to me, and because of it had my voice snuffed out, and was made to feel like a person of no value at all. It has happened to me and countless others I have worked with, and it is soul destroying as it eats away at you, to the point where you no longer feel of any value at all, and that has been well documented within the Curio Chronicles, as was seen in Abigail’s Summer.
“Children should be seen, and not heard, a respectful quiet child, is a child worthy of praise.”
I walked behind him in his shadow, I was his shadow, and unable to step forward, and be seen. Walking at the side of Birch, all I wanted was to be that unseen shadow again, out of sight, hidden from view and not the centre of the village’s attention.
I remembered the scarecrow in Sutton’s wheat field, stared at and alone, everyone was aware of them, but no one cared enough to really know them, a lonely figure in full view. That was me, it had always been me.
It is a feeling that was so powerful within in my younger years, I wanted to share it, and gave it to Abigail. I will add, it was not my father who made me feel this way, it was someone else. The point is, that it ruled my life for a long time, and took me many years to overcome it, and like Hatty, I too suffered in silence alone and isolated from everything. It happens, and as Roni states, ‘it has been around for a very long time.’
The world today has taken on board shaming and victimisation without considering the consequences, people have reached a level where they just slip into it without even thinking. Labelling people they do not agree with is out of control, and it is always derogatory. Curio’s Summer takes a really wide open look at youth culture today, I wanted to accurately show the truth. I made it clear long before its release, it was going to challenge the narrative of many, because I knew, there were a few levels I could take the story, that would confront the real startling truth, and highlight the generational divides within the reading population.
I have not been disappointed, and had conversations already, where readers expressed their comments and some disapproval, that is the point of the book, to highlight what our youth really think and feel, and then light it up with a huge spotlight, and get exactly the reaction I have received. In my previous blog post on here, ‘Summer with the Curio’s.’ I ask the question; after reading the book, how many will think Marjorie was right?
The point was, will you be able to read and understand the youth, or will you disagree and form a different opinion, which stands in judgement? It is an important question to ask, because in order to do that, you have to face your own preconceived notions of right and wrong, and form an opinion based on your own moral view point. I have highlighted that to good effect in the sexual content of the book, but look carefully, see past the act and listen to the dialogue, for it is there that the truth lies in plain sight. Abby’s internal dialogue really shows her voyage of self discovery, and learning, but will it be noticed, or will people be too busy complaining about the content? If you can overcome your upbringing related to your own generation, and actually work to understand how youth culture is developing today, you will become part of the cure, instead of the cause. Modern culture is radically different to my 70’s generation, and for those born before 1950, it is beyond recognition, all the rules have changed, and traditional values, and moralities have swung completely in the opposite direction from 1950’s Britain. Let me elaborate with an example of my own life.
A few years back I took my wife on a date, and we went for a drink in a place she visited as a younger woman. It was her birthday, and we had a baby sitter, but they could not sit for very long, so I arranged to take her out, spend an hour with her, and invited her sisters to join us for a little celebration with her after I had to leave. During our time there, I had to visit the toilet, and so headed for the men’s room.
Whilst in there, a younger guy came in and asked me, if I had grown tired of screwing my wife yet? Okay, so I am a trained counsellor, very liberal, and have an amazing relationship with my wife, who like me, has a very warped sense of humour. I was a little taken aback, as he was so up front about it all, and very confident, so asked the guy, why he wanted to know? His response was this.
“Well, you know, if you are bored, I think she is hot, so I will give her a good fucking for you, and you can go fuck someone else.”
Liberal as I may be, it sort of threw me a little, but again, I know my wife very well indeed, and so in my warped twisted way, I responded.
“I do not own her, she is a free person, go ask her.”
He smiled, appeared pleased with himself and went to do exactly that. Knowing her, I felt sorry for him, because her response was to verbally destroy him and his maleness on the spot, in front of everyone for being so rude.
The point here is, that you may not like it, or not want to know about it, but the fact is, even a wedding ring is no longer a protection from modern culture. To them it means nothing, and they will happily sleep with your wife if they find her attractive, regardless of marital status. It is simply meaningless to them, all that matters is living life to the full and getting as much sex as they can, with whomever will bed them.
It is not just men, young women with happily hook up with a married man for that one night of pleasure, or your friend will happily sleep with your partner, and say nothing. This is not all of the youth of today, but it is a very large percentage of them. Whether you agree or disagree, is meaningless, that is where modern culture is at now, and it is spreading to all generations. Cheating has been normalised, the internet is riddled with sites that proudly advertise that it is a site to find people to cheat with. Oh yes, we shame it when we hear of it, but the simple truth is, like Wotton, people will shame you for doing something they are quite prepared to do themselves, and probably did last week.
Traditional marriages are dying, as the concept of one person forever is regarded as old fashioned. Most marriages last 3 to 6 years these days, and then people divorce and move on. The idea of a one true love, or soul mate, is a temporary notion. Monogamy is out of fashion, as couples embrace some of the many different types of open relationships, and they are on the rise, where sleeping with others is not regarded as shameful, but arranged with consent and agreed to by both parties. You may not like it, or even agree with it, but this is happening, and our young are being taught things like this, and sexual diversity early in their life, by schools, social media, and their peers. You may hate the politically correct, and diversity signals, and even disagree with them, but the fact is the whole of society has been overrun with them, and they are here to stay, and it is changing the perceptions of life as we all know it.
The darker side of it, is the pressure it has placed on everyone, which is increasingly growing stronger with our younger generations, who feel more than ever in history before, that they must conform. Without understanding how, greed and guilt have taken centre stage, creating a narrative of supremacy and control, it is almost like the old tale of the Emperors new clothes, where we worship the false ideals for the sake of inclusion, and in order to do that, we virtue signal our allegiance to our pack.
It is a fake front to shame others and keep the focus on them, to deflect it from themselves, and the older generations above forty, are experts at it. Nothing is taboo for the young anymore, it really is live in the moment and live life to the full, and we may not agree or like it, but in truth, we have to accept that life is now like that, and it is not going away any time soon. Celebrity culture, social media, and the mainstream media, all use the same tools to shame those who disagree with them, and any idea of discourse is dead. If you disagree, there is a long list of names you will be called, people are no longer open to listening, they simply go on the offensive, and brand you with a title that will shame you into walking away and avoiding them, and living in fear.
The public are watching this play out in their viewing and browsing lives, and they are adopting the very same behaviour they see on their computers and using them in real life, and I take those examples and work them into my story. Anthony is shamed for his gayness; Chloe is a tramp because she is prettier than the girls and more popular than they are. Abby is a slut for dying her hair black and red, Birch is a whore because she has trained in sexual subjects, and Edwina and Deb’s, as equally as shamed, simply by association. Victimisation and shaming, isolate and control them, for no other reason than they want to live as they choose, but it defies the narrative of the majority.
The Curio’s are liberated, open minded and filled with life, and they can party harder than maybe any of us ever have, but are they wrong and is Marjorie, right? Is a threesome wrong, when all parties consent and enjoy it? In today’s society, there are a lot of people who as a married couple, are engaging in threesomes for the joy and excitement it gives them. We may not agree, but that does not mean it does not happen. It does, and it is far more popular than you think, so is BDSM, you would be surprised what your neighbours get up to behind closed doors, I have had a peep, and it is eye opening, but if it is consensual, should it be shamed?
We have encouraged and now embraced a fake conservatism, as some sort of shield of morality to hide our own sins behind, and it has infected every aspect of life today. Sitting in judgement, is easier than trying to understand, and so labelling those who offend you and get everyone else to attack them brings a sense of security. The simple truth is, lost in the pile are our young, who are getting some very wrong signals, and as a result, they are living a wilder than expected life, but have no understanding of the consequences, or long term implications. It is crazy to think that in this modern judgemental day and age, you can lose your job over a drunken tweet, written ten years ago, and labelled and shamed for it, for the rest of your life, yet it happens.
It amazes me how hypocritical society has become, and no one is immune from the bullies, and yes, adults are far worse than school kids. It matters not what you think, or how you dress, someone somewhere today will be offended, and as a result, your clothes, your hair, your lifestyle, your sex life, all of it can be targeted on a whim, and it does destroy lives.
It is driven by a media narrative of fake filters, hypocrisy, and virtue signalling, all with the aim of setting the trends, drama, mispresenting, and fear mongering. I highlight this with Marjorie, as she jumps to conclusions, and her rhetoric of how the Curio’s will destroy the village, and soil its reputation, which keeps others afraid of forming an allegiance with them. It is a game of power plays, and control and it is there right in front of you, and all you have to do is sit back and take note. Try and see for yourself, and see how people talk in half truths, and take everything out of context to feel superior, and then ask yourself ‘What are they trying to hide?’
The one point that most people miss, is voiced often by Birch throughout the Curio Chronicle books. The simple truth is, the youth have understood something the older generations have not yet understood. In layman’s terms, you are only capable of being you, and how you live your life, has nothing to do with anyone else. If you have a kink or like to go wild occasionally, you can, it is no one’s business other than your own. You can shatter the shackles of society and live as you so wish without being harassed or victimised for it, simply because others have never lived that way, and the Curio’s do that, with at times, shocking results for some.
The societal narrative, controls the masses with the huge threat of what will people say? The truth is, it is none of their business and people need to look them in the eyes and tell them, why does it matter? We have bought into the myth that we must comply, or be shamed, and all of us need to speak out against it, and own ourselves as Birch does. No one has the right to tell you what you can and cannot do, which is sort of the point of being an adult, but too many of us have forgotten that.
Marjorie and those like her have no right to comment or shame people for living by their own beliefs, and yet mass market media and social media comment and shame people for things such as a naked lifestyle or sexual practices. You may not agree with the Curio’s, but that does not give you the right to shame or bully them, even if social media says it is alright. I find social media to be the biggest and most thought controlling hypocrites on the whole of the internet. They allow you to point the finger and shame others for the reasons they agree with, and ban, and limit those who have voices they don’t agree with, and free speech is being stifled alongside free expression, and everyone is happily accepting it. In my eyes, that is just a big online version of Marjorie and her shrew crew.
Recent events saw comedian Criss Rock, verbally humiliate the wife of Will Smith, at a large public event, and as a result, Will, defended his wife and publicly slapped Criss rock across the face. Will Smith has been condemned across the whole social and mainstream media for his actions, some say he may never work again for it. I have a problem with that, I do not condone violence ever, and yet I have to sit back and ask, why is all the hatred being thrown at Will Smith?
Why has no one asked why Criss Rock chose to attack and shame a woman who through no fault of her own, contracted a skin complaint, that saw her lose a great percentage of her hair? No matter how you look at it, she has suffered, but has also been immensely brave, and spoken out publicly of her condition to help others. It is a brave act, especially as she lives within a world where people are measured by their image. In Hollywood, how it looks on the outside, is far more important that how it is on the inside, and she has had to deal with that. I do not believe she should have been publicly humiliated like that, and yet again, the Marjorie’s of this world turned a blind eye to the facts of Rock’s insensitive and disgraceful comments, and shamed and attacked Will Smith for defending his wife. Is it me, or does that feel wrong?
As the series continues, I will show and highlight outside aspects that work their way into Wotton, and how what started out as gossip in the village, will flood out into the wider world, and bring other troubles and shaming for Abby and Birch. My point is simply, the key to all of this is understanding and acceptance, because the world is harder to navigate these days, and knowledge is power, as we saw at the end of Abigail’s Summer and in Curio’s Summer. Knowing the truth, is your strength to fight against the injustice, and in this world today, there are few who stand up for what is right. When one does, it gets attention, and draws others to overcome their fears and stand with them.
We cannot simply trust everything we hear, and continue shaming and bullying as we are doing, we have to gain a better insight and understanding, and then with that knowledge, we can all adjust ourselves to work for the better of everyone, and understand, people have the right to live as they see fit, as long as no one is harmed. Roni states it clearly.
‘Be you… Appreciate each other.’ It is good advice, try it and see for yourself.
For those who have bought my books and supported my writing life, I thank you a great deal, it is the joy in my life to write and create such wonderful characters for all of you to share their worlds.
Curio’s Summer, the follow up to Abigail’s Summer is now available in digital and print formats, as is all of the Heirs to the Kingdom series and Rise of the Raven, from all online book suppliers and reading apps.